Grand Adventure #2

So I feel like the blog has been kind of lacking and slow these days.  And figured it was time to spice things up.  I was running out of material.  Lukas didn't like having his picture taken and all his daily ins and outs being broadcast over the interwebs.  And I respect my child's privacy.  So I need new material.  And with the help of Mr. Cob, new material is on the way!   In about 6 more months.  Yup, I'm pregnant!!!!  All in the name of blogging.  (Kidding, of course.) 

And as a side note, to any friends who learn about baby #2 through this blog, please don't take offense - it seemed really strange to call everyone up and share the news the second time around.  I don't know why, but I've felt really funny spreading this news.  So I figured I'd just write about it.  I'm much better with the written word than the spoken word.

Over the past two months I've been jotting down my thoughts on this pregnancy and how I've been feeling.  Here's the first post in the series of 5 from the past few months, with new posts to follow later this week.  Enjoy!

Saturday, November 10, 2012 - I've been really tired the past week.  And depressed according to the husband, which I think translates into my being mean.  I hadn't really given my mood much thought, just assuming it was another down in the ups and downs that is life.  And I was only three days late.  Nothing too out of the ordinary. But I woke up this Saturday morning and decided it wouldn't hurt anyone to take a pregnancy test.  Mr. Cob was still sleeping.  Lukas was still sleeping.  I was alone in the quiet morning.  I shouldn't be left alone in the quiet morning.  So I did my thing and then put the stick down on the back of the toilet.  I brushed my teeth and then went back over to the stick to check it out.  I assumed it would be negative.  The actively trying gears hadn't been shifted yet.  I am training for a half marathon (ironically, the same thing I was doing the last time I found out I was pregnant).  I'd drank way too much wine just the weekend before.  So I was a little surprised when two lines showed up on the stick.  Two distinct lines.  Two lines mean positive.  Two lines mean pregnant. 

I walked out of the bathroom holding the stick and somewhat coherently said to my sleeping husband "I think I'm pregnant."  This is what Mr. Cob woke up to this morning.  You could say he was shocked.  But happy.  I started crying.  He smiled, still half asleep.  Then he was worried my tears were not happy tears.  I reassured him they they were.  It was just a bit of a surprise.  A very welcomed surprise. 

But just to be sure I took one more test.  Two lines again.  Definitely pregnant.  Happy dance.  Time for a nap.

Sunday, November 11, 2012 - I'm having a hard time keeping this news quiet.  We've now seen my three closest mom friends and I really wanted to share the news.  I've avoided my mom all weekend, fearful that I'll blurt it out over the phone.  But for now we're keeping it quiet.  We decided to tell our families over Thanksgiving.  Today I ordered a "I'm going to be a big brother" shirt for Lukas to debut on Thanksgiving day.  It has a picture of two turkeys - one little and one big.  I wonder what the little man is going to think when he learns that he's no longer going to be the littlest man in the house.  Well I suppose he might still be the littlest man if poppy turns out to be a girl.  And yes, we're calling it poppy for now.  Ok, it's time for another nap. I forgot how quickly the exhaustion sets in.  And the gas.  It's just plain gross.

Thursday, November 15, 2012 - Early pregnancy is weird and unsettling.  There's no reassurance that everything is OK in there.  I sort of wish I'd start having some morning sickness or something to settle my fears (I might be eating those words in a week or so...).  I am definitely tired and I've convinced myself that my bump is already showing - Mr. Cob assures me it is entirely in my head.  Considering I'm wearing my size 4 trousers today, it probably is.  But I still feel bloat-y.  I called the OB this week to make our first appointment.  December 18.  Over a month away.  I'm just trying to think good thoughts and give poppy some love.  I'm making sure to eat clean as much as possible.  I'm starting out every day with a green smoothie.  This morning's concoction had pineapple juice, carrot, broccoli stem, avocado, spinach, banana, frozen mango, frozen peaches, some protein powder, moringa and a few springs of cilantro just because.  It was an interesting combination.  I've also switched to decaf coffee...I know "they" say you can drink 1-2 cups of regular coffee every day of pregnancy and be OK, but I figure I'd rather be safe early on and just stick with decaf.  It worked when I was pregnant with Lukas.  Last night I found some prenatal yoga videos online and tried one out - I loved it!  I really am going to work out this entire pregnancy.  I will NOT gain 50+ pounds again.  I repeat, I will NOT!  (post-script: I ran 10 miles that night  ON THE TREADMILL.  Do you know how awful running on a treadmill for two hours is?  I'm serious about the not gaining 50+ pounds again.  2 hours on a treadmill serious.)

Now We're Cooking

I'm happy to report that 8 days in to the New Year, I've kept at least one of my resolutions: namely, to cook more.  Have I mentioned before that I LOVE to cook?  And by cook I mean follow a recipe to the t.  I get annoyed with cooking because it requires time and planning, which are two things I don't always have on my side.  I can't tell you how many times I've started a recipe only to realize that we're out of lemon juice or salt (yes, salt).  And until the past couple of months I still felt like Lukas needed to be watched at least every 2-3 minutes for fear of him climbing something he shouldn't be climbing or making some huge mess, which makes cooking dinner after work a difficult task.  Thankfully he can now entertain himself for long chunks of time, or is happy to dance in the kitchen while momma cooks.  So we've been cooking.

For Christmas, my brother in law & his girlfriend gave me Dinner: A Love Story and I am OBSESSED.  I've now cooked 4 meals and have earmarked a dozen others to try soon.  It's a great book that reads like a novel but includes easy, family friendly recipes.  Also, she has a blog that lists many of her recipes, so check it out!

Here's what our 2013 dinner menu has looked like:

Jan 1: @ grandma Sip Sip's house

Jan 2: Mushroom, Pea, Turkey Sausage Pasta (recipe from my friend Emily) - Mr. Cob made this because I was feeling under the weather.  It was AMAZING.  And I love that it was an easy recipe that you can remember without needing to refer to a book or recipe card.  It's on our menu for tomorrow night again..

Jan 3: Panko breaded chicken (From Dinner: A Love Story) w/haircot verts and couscous - I have to remember that dinner doesn't have to be a difficult recipe.  This dinner was easy and delicious.  Again thanks to Emily for the green bean suggestion.

Jan 4: Porcupine Meatballs (from Dinner: A Love Story - but also a childhood favorite of mine) - Something went wrong with this recipe, either one of my spices was bad or it just wasn't good with ground turkey.  I'll try them again but will get my family recipe.

Jan 5: Greek shrimp (from Dinner: A Love Story)  - DELICIOUS - this recipe alone is reason enough to buy the book. (Nevermind, I just realized the link is on her blog...check it out!  Seriously, great!) Serve with cibatta bread to sop up the sauce.

Jan 6: Belgian Beef Stew (from Dinner: A Love Story)  - Better for leftovers day 2.  The twist is adding a dollop of dijon mustard on top.  I forgot this step on Sunday, but remembered it for my lunch the next day - it made all the difference!

Jan 7: Meatless Monday - Southwest Quinoa Salad - I found this recipe on pinterest and have changed it a little bit (I cook the zucchini and add some salsa) - it's always a hit with the hubby.

Jan 8 (tonight): Taco Tuesday  - We're just going with standard tacos tonight, but I'm excited for an easy dinner!

So I'm on track and loving it!  I've also made homemade almond butter granola bars, which were SUPER EASY and delicious.

Do you have any easy, go-to dinner recipes to share?  How are your resolutions coming?

Hello Twenty-Thirteen!

Well, December came and went.  But you wouldn't have known that from keeping up with my blog.  It's not that there hasn't been anything to write about.  It's been a busy month.  A fabulously busy month.  I just haven't felt like putting pen to paper, err, fingertips to keys. You know what I mean.

December brought family and Christmas and a trip to the mountains with friends.  December brought presents and a bunch of new toys to our house.  December brought an abundance of love and laughter.  December was filled with joy.  I hope the same is true for your December.

And now here we are in 2013.  (Thankfully those doomsday preppers were wrong and we didn't all disappear into the abyss on December 21, 2012.)  It's a new year.  And you know how I love a new year.  With it's clean slate and fresh start.  Call me cheesy, but I love it.

As always on January 1st I set my intentions for the year.  Some are the same as prior years, but others are different.  I'm excited about them all, even though I was watching the news last night and some "expert" said you should only make one resolution a year, otherwise your odds of failure are great.  I'd already made my 6 resolutions, so I think I'll keep them all.

So here's my plan for 2013:

1. Put $2000 into our savings each month (this will require that we rein in our wayward spending).
2. Eat good food at home - stop eating out so often and PLAN all meals.
3. Walk 10,000 steps per day.  A certain Christmas present I got is helping me with this one...
4. Be patient in parenting.  Especially during the bedtime routine.
5. Think before speaking.  Watch my tone. 
6. Bring more God/religion/spirituality into our family.

Wish me luck!  What are your intentions or resolutions for the new year?  Or are you the kind of person who detests resolutions and thinks I'm a sucker for always making them? 

Saturday mornings

We dance....

Weekend Review

How was your weekend?

These four words are often said on Monday mornings.  By coworkers.  In emails between friends.  On the telephone with our mothers.

I usually respond by listing off the things I did that weekend.  Grocery shopping.  Picking up the house.  Dinner with friends (on a good weekend).  Swinging at the park.  Reading books with Lukas.  And I always end the conversation the same way.  "This weekend was too short."

It is always too short.  Especially when you have a little one and you have to go back to work on Monday morning.  Actually, it was probably too short when it was just me and my husband.  Any time spent with my family is cherished time, but it is never quite enough.  Does anyone else feel this way?

Perhaps I'm approaching the question wrong.  Perhaps I need to reframe how I reiterate my weekends and share them with the world.  Rather than thinking that we didn't have enough time, what if we embraced the time we did spend together and spoke of the joy that was shared in those minutes and hours of the weekend.

This weekend was fantastic.

I started the weekend early and picked Lukas up from school well before the usual time.  I said YES when my son asked to listen to Bob the Builder on repeat for twenty minutes in the car, bringing him the type of joy that only a 2 year old can appreciate.  I smiled watching him sing, dance and kick his feet despite being restrained in his car seat.  I found myself singing along - "Can we fix it....YES WE CAN!"

We surprised daddy at work and broke him out early too.  Seeing this daddy show of his son to his colleagues made me love my husband even more.  He's so proud to simply be Lukas' dad.  It was worth the drive home in rush hour traffic where Lukas and I sang Christmas songs together and hunted for Christmas lights.  Our whole car ride was soundtracked by his voice yelling out "Lukas' side" or "mommy's side" as he pointed out the houses with Christmas lights along the different sides of the street.

That night we learned that Lukas loves white rice and will shove it in his mouth by the spoonful.  I am continuously surprised by what he will and will not eat.  The night ended with me and Mr. Cob reconnecting about our weeks while laying on the couch and Lukas asleep soundly in his crib.

I was lucky to spend all Saturday morning with my little man while my big man was out running errands.  We didn't leave the house all morning.  Instead we snuggled up watching TV, we read 3 different Dr. Seuss books on the couch, we played with dinosaurs and stuffed animals.  And we had bathtime in the middle of the day.  For an hour.  We were both soaking wet after it was all said and done.  I imagined that this is how my weekdays would feel if I was a SAHM and remembered that I probalby wouldn't find as much happiness in the simple parenting things if I was doing them every single day. 

After a nap my little family of three ventured out Christmas shopping.  We selected gifts for loved ones and even snuck in a few presents for Lukas without him noticing.  Mr. Cob and I were so excited that we almost gave him the gift as soon as we got home but decided it would be best to wait for Christmas morning, like responsible adults.  I ended that evening reading to Lukas, rocking him and laying down on the floor next time him at his request.  And once the little man was asleep, my husband and I had some time together as well.

On Sunday we went on a "grand adventure"!  (When's the last time you went on an adventure?  I suggest you try it soon.  Lukas' joy at going on an adventure overflowed into both Mr. Cob and me.)  Our adventure was to the playground at the Peachtree-Dekalb airport where were watched "jumbo jets" land and take off while swinging and going down the slide.  Lukas was thrilled.  We finished the day by wrapping Christmas gifts, going to the Farmer's Market, shopping at an antique store and Skyping (and laughing) with our family in California.   

Last night Lukas cried when I left his room.  So I returned and we rocked and cuddled.  I then laid down on the floor and tried to sneak out five minutes later.  He cried again.  Even though it was much past his bedtime, and he was exhausted from the adventuring, I think he just wasn't ready to separate from his momma.  And neither was I.  So I went back in for round 3 and we rocked and snuggled again.  I laid on the floor longer this time, simply listening to him breathe.  My heart filled with warmth remembering our weekend together. Eventually I tip-toed out of his room without waking him up.

We didn't see friends this weekend.  We didn't see family.  It was just my little Swan family.  And it may have gone by too fast, as the days seem to do these days.  There is still laundry to be done.  The are dishes in the sink and leaves in the yard.  But the weekend was wonderful.  It was filled with enough joy to sustain me for five days until we get to do it all over again.  And it may have been short, but it was full.

An Oldie

I found this picture yesterday as I was going through an old online album.  It was from Lukas' 9 month checkup over a year ago.  This picture makes me smile.

I love this little boy more than words can describe.

Some Days This is Really Tough

It's hard to relate to a 2 year old.  I wish I knew what his cries always meant.  I wish I knew where his tantrums were coming from.  I wish I could convince myself that what happened this morning didn't really happen.  Because it's days like today where I am convinced I am doing it wrong.  That I should in fact be home with my little guy.

He woke up happy enough.  He jumped up in bed the second he heard me open his door.  He greeted me with "momma, I pooped."  Strangely enough, he did not, but I thanked him for letting me know.  He asked to see daddy, so we climbed the stairs and he ran to give daddy a hug.  Daddy told him to go back downstairs and let momma get him dressed for the day.  And this is when the morning went downhill.

Back in his room he unzipped his jammies and held on to me as he kicked his feet out.  And then he sort of lost it as I took his diaper off.  He rolled on the floor naked saying "no mommy" and kept picking up the new diaper and throwing it.  I tried to divert his attention by asking him if he wanted to throw the dirty diaper in the trash (something he usually loves to do).  He just kept saying no mommy.  And then he half heartedly hit me on the face.  Hitting = automatic 2 minute time out.  He marched his little naked tush and sat on the stairs.  Afterwards he said he was sorry, we gave hugs and kisses and said I love yous.  And then it went down hill again.

Back in his room he asked to throw away the dirty diaper.  The one I had already thrown away while he was in time out.  Screams.  Sobs.  Hot tears.  Somehow I was able to get a new diaper and clothes on him as he screamed and cried.  Daddy tried to reason with him, to no avail.  So I did the only thing I could think, I hugged him and we rocked for about 5 minutes.  I just kissed his head and hugged him tight.  Eventually he calmed down and let me hold him and snuggled in to momma.

It was time to leave for school, so I carried him to the kitchen and gave him some string cheese for the ride.  A few more tears where shed with the realization that we were out of waffles.  But daddy did his best to convince him to go.  Usually when my boys leave in the morning they both stop to hug and kiss me at the door, but Lukas didn't want mommy.  He cried harder when daddy told him to hug me.  I said it was OK.  That they should just go.

I stood at the door as they walked down the front path.  Lukas started sobbing again and mumbled something about mommy.  At first we both thought he was saying "no mommy".  But eventually we both realized he was yelling "I want to stay with mommy".

And this is when my heart broke a little.

Being a working mom is awful some days.  Today would be one of those days.