Lukas' Party

Well, there was a change in plans after my last post.  I hit "publish" and a within the hour I had an email in my inbox from a friend insisting that I allow her to throw Lukas a birthday party.  So yesterday afternoon we celebrated Lukas' 3rd birthday thanks to my amazing friend.  She did everything - bought the food and cupcakes, decroated her house with balloons and a happy brithday banner, bought Jake the Pirate themed plates and napkins, invited our friends and opened up her house to us. All I had to do was show up.  I am so thankful to have friends who swoop in when life gets to be too much.  Lukas LOVED his party and I could tell he felt so speciall all evening and couldn't stop talking about his new presents this morning before school.

So I have to say a very big thank you to Emily for making my little man feel very special for this third birthday.  Yesterday meant more than I can express in words.



Taking it all in as we sung him Happy Birthday!



The kiddos!



Blowing out his candle


For all you busy moms out there, please remember one thing: It's OK to ask for help and to ACCEPT it when it's offered.  It really does take a village.

Julian's Birth Story

My littlest baby, Julian, turned 3 months old a few weeks ago.  So I figure it's high time I jot down his birth story before I forget it....

So going back in time to Friday, July 12.  I went to work that day expecting to go back to work the following Monday.  I was only 39 weeks and 3 days at that point.  Lukas was born at 40 weeks plus 3 days so I figured I might as well get comfortable.  I even had Mr. Cob snap a picture of my growing belly that night.

39 weeks + 3 day belly

We woke up Saturday morning and went about our day.  We did something for breakfast, donuts maybe?  (See I'm already forgetting).  And then we went to the bank.  I decided I should probably cook some food to freeze for after the baby arrived so we then headed off to the Farmers Market.  I didn't really want to go but we'd already made the fatal mistake of mentioning the farmers market to Lukas so there was no way we weren't going after that.  So off we went.  It was at some point in the late morning that I noticed the contractions.  Nothing painful.  Nothing consistent.  On we went with our day.

Our good friends' son was having his first birthday party that afternoon so after cooking a few meals in the early afternoon we headed over for the party.  Sitting in the car I realized the contractions were somewhat timeable.  About every 7-8 minutes.  I was still unconvinced.

I spent all afternoon chatting with friends at the party and watching Lukas and his friends play, so I didn't really notice the contractions.  But on the car ride home (around 6:30pm) they began again.  Every 7 or so minutes again.  We got home and put Lukas to bed and I figured I'd cook the rest of my freezer meals in an effort to distract myself.  Finally around 9pm, with contractions hanging around every 7 minutes, we decided to call my parents to give them a heads up and said they could come over if they wanted.  My mom said there's no way she could sleep now knowing the real thing might be happening, so they decided to head over. 

They arrived a little after 10pm.  Mom helped me finish making enchiladas while dad and Mr. Cob watched TV.  Lukas continued snoozing away, unaware that anything was happening.  The contractions were about 6 minutes apart but not painful.  I took a bath at one point to relax and thought about laying down for a bit but everyone else was more concerned than I was and around midnight Mr. Cob convinced me to call my OB.  My OB said that I could head to the hospital at any time, but it sounded to her like things were happening!  I was still not convinced.  (Sidenote, I LOVE my OB.  As in, may have another baby just to hang out with her on a regular basis again.  Even though I had clearly woken her up from a deep sleep, she chatted with me on the phone for 10 minutes, at midnight, about how excited she was that my little boy was finally coming.  I mean, really, she is Fabulous!)

So at that point I decided to actually pack a hospital bag and we left around 2am for Northside.  Eerily it was the same time we went to the hospital for Lukas' birth.  I was convinced we were in for a long labor (remember Lukas wasn't born until almost 3pm the next day).  And I still wasn't even uncomfortable.  I thought we'd get to the hospital and be turned back for a false alarm.  Before I go any further I need to make note of what has now become one of my favorite parts of being in labor - the car ride to the hospital with my husband.  We are both so giddy and excited and we sing very loudly to fun music.  It's just a burst of fun before the "labor" part of labor begins.

We arrive at the hospital and a sweet security guard asks if I need a wheelchair.  I do not.  (I'm still convinced this isn't happening).  We check in and wait for the nurse to take us back to our room.  We get in our room (one without a window) and I get hooked up to the fetal monitor.  In case I didn't mention it with Lukas, the fetal monitor is one of the most uncomfortable parts about the whole thing.  They wrap a band tightly around your gigantic belly and the thing is so tight it leaves marks.  I hate it.  Anyway, she checked my progress (about 2-3 cm) and confirmed that the contractions were about 6 minutes apart, so we were staying.  The real deal had truly begun!

Then the nurse left and said she'd be back and to try to rest.  Mr. Cob passed out on the "sofabed" and I got a little sleep myself.  I could only get comfortable on my side though, and they lost the baby's heartbeat every time I laid on my side so eventually around 6am I had to turn back over.  I was still in no pain at this point.  I noticed the contractions but didn't have to breathe through them or anything.

Here I am after my night's "sleep"....

And here's Mr. Cob...ha

At 6:30 the nurse came in to say my OB wanted to start me on pitocin since nothing was really progressing. I asked if we could give it 30 more minutes to see if things would pick up on their own. She agreed. Nothing progressed. So they started the pitocin. (Which, if you're keeping score, I'm now 2 for 2 on the pit front. Oh well.) Around this point someone checked me and I was like 3 cm, so not much progress.

My OB came in around 8:30 to check on things. The pitocin had made the contractions pick up in timing, but they still weren't of the painful variety.  She checked me and said I was closer to 4cm.  She then broke my water.  Now, let's talk about this for a second.  I had thought I felt some leaking before the big water breaking event, but chalked it up to wishful thinking.  Well after the water breaking (the big gush variety), which took her some time (we think his head was really low and was preventing the water from breaking on its own), things started to pick up.  As in I went from totally cool and in no pain to having to breathe through the contractions and really concentrate in the span of 30 minutes.  By 9:30am I was in some serious pain, but still breathing through.  By 9:45am I lost my mind and was screaming for drugs.

The anesthesiologist was called and on his way.  This did not change the fact that I completely lost it from about 9:45am -10am.  The pain was too intense.  My nurse (Katherine Hill, who just happens to have the same name as my BFF) was INCREDIBLE.  And so was Mr. Cob.  If it wasn't for them I'm not sure I could've made it through that 30 minute span before the doc gave me the epidural.  It was rough.  The contractions were very intense and very close together.  I do think the hypnobirthing techniques I learned with Lukas (and practiced during my nightly meditations before bed this go around) helped keep the pain at bay for as long as it did and helped me somewhat breathe through the really bad contractions.

Finally the doc with the goods arrived to get rid of the pain.

But I lost it again when he was there because the mere thought of a needle in my spine sends me over the edge.  Thankfully he was quick and painless (seriously, the insertion of the epidural did NOT hurt).  And within 5 minutes the pain was gone completely.  BUT, the pressure started before the anesthesiologist even left the room.  The pressure down there.  You know, there there.  I mentioned it to the nurse and the anesthesiologist and they just figured it was nothing. 

Well it wasn't nothing.  Thirty minutes later (about 11am) the nurse was back to check me.  I looked at her like she was crazy because I knew nothing had happened since the last time I was checked.  Wrong.  Ten centimeters baby!  It was time to go.  (Sidenote:  if there is a baby #3, and I'm not saying there will be, I will ask to be checked once more before getting the epidural.  Looking back, I think I was probably in transition when I got the epidural.  I am not crazy or against the epidural, but if I'd known the finish line was so close, I think I would have opted to skip the epidural ONLY because it took seemingly forever to wear off this time and I couldn't walk for hours after delivering J.)  So at eleven am I was ready to go but my OB was not there.  The nurse called to tell her it was time, like N.O.W.

So my OB arrived around 11:15 and got set up.  And when she was ready I started pushing.  (We need another sidenote at this point.  There were only 4 people in the room for the pushing this time: my OB, Katie Hill the nurse, my hubby and me.  With Lukas there was about 12 people in the room.  Seriously.  The was meconium when my water broke so the neonatal care team was brought in.  I hadn't realized with Lukas that if there are no reasons to suspect complications, there are very few people in the room.  I much preferred only having 3 spectators!)  So back to the pushing.  I pushed three, maybe four times and out he came.

It's true what they say, your heart simply expands and you truly can love another child as much as your first.  I did not believe this until I saw Julian for the first time.  We are truly blessed to have him in our lives and it's hard to think of our family before him.  It simply feels like he has always been a part of it.

Julian Rhys

Gratuitous Video

Because it's Tuesday.  And because baseball season is almost under way...

Monday Sing-a-long

The little dude loves music and often bursts into song on a whim.  After our recent trip to the aquarium, he's been into fish and whales and his daddy has encouraged this by playing a certain Raffi song for him.  He heard it for the first time about two weeks ago.  I'd say he likes it.

Enjoy!

Big Brother To Be

Busy

Oh there is so much I have been meaning to write about but haven't made the time.  Life is busy.  Life with an almost 2 year old (OhmyGodhowdidhegetsoold?) is hectic.

Lukas recovered from his bed flipping incident.  I recovered as well.  However, there has been no bed jumping in the past week.

My office is moving to a new building this Friday, so work has been crazy.  I'm currently sitting in an empty office because all my "stuff" is in crates ready to be moved.  I'm really excited for our new space.  I'm viewing it as a big change without actually changing anything.  Does that make sense?  My view will no longer look south of the city.  Instead, my office (on the 27th floor) will overlook Peachtree Street going north into Midtown.  It'll be like I'm looking towards my little man and husband all day. 

Mr. Cob and I are leaving this weekend ALONE for 7 days to go on vacation WITHOUT the little dude.  I'm starting to get nervous about this decision.  I know Lukas will be in good hands with his grandparents, but will I be ok?  Will missing him overshadow the vacationing?  Should we have brought him with us?  Is it totally selfish to spend one whole week away from him?  Let's just say we ordered the wine package on the cruise so that should help ease my worries and my missing him.  I've also downloaded about 10 books to my Kindle (which I finally found after a year missing...in the glovebox of my car!).  I've booked a massage for the 2nd day.  I'm excited to sleep in and spend time with Mr. Cob.  I'm very excited for a week away from work!

The little dude is hilarious these days.  He sat down for a chat with me a few nights ago.  He's such a silly guy - make sure you have your volume turned on!



And I'll leave you with this picture of Lukas with his girlfriend, "Lisey".  He is so in love!

Lukas' Life via Instagram

I love food.  And making a mess.  And mommy likes capturing it on tape.  Also, look at all my teeth!

Chocolate Chip pancakes make me happy.

Mommy bought me these NEW SHOES!  Fruncle Ronnie bought me Thomas socks.  I think they want me to be a fashion faux pas.  Mommy says I'm stylish.  I'm starting to think mommy lies.

I visited daddy at work.  Found his secret stash of crackers.  Ate them all.  Sorry daddy.

Mommy and Daddy took me to lunch!  I should have been napping, but they decided grandma would have much more fun with me being sleep deprived.

Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night.  I cry loudly so mommy thinks I'm scared.  Then I refuse to go back to bed unless I'm in their big bed.  Works like a charm.  Every. single. time.

No, mommy and daddy did not get me my own car.  But I do have a birthday coming up, so a kid can hope!  Toy Park in Decatur is pretty cool though!

22 Months + 9 days

It's time for a little man update. 

I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that Lukas will be TWO in less than two months.  I don't know how this happened.  It seems like yesterday that he was unable to do more than lay still and stare at me.  Now he is a non-stop ball of energy that I am so totally in love with. 

So what's he up to at 22 months and 9 days?

Teeth: All of them but his two year molars.  (Momma's not real excited for those to make an appearance.)

Hair: Blond with a touch of curl.  Like his daddy.

Eyes: Grayish green.  They look more like his daddy's eyes than his momma's.

Weight: I'd guess 27ish pounds.  We'll find out at his 2 year doctor appointment in November.

Diapers: Size 4

Clothes: All over the board.  He can still fit in some 12 month pants/shorts!  He's mostly in size 18-24 month shirts and PJs though.  He's tall but skinny!  He wears a size 5.5 shoe, but I think they're too small already!

Eating:  Most anything.  He loves waffles in the morning and asks for goldfish and cookies for snacks. He drinks a lot of (whole) milk and water but refuses to drink any sort of juice, which I suppose is not a bad thing.  He loves cheese and tomatoes.  All bread products.  Most berries.  Sausage, bacon and chicken.  Occasionally pork or fish.  Our new trick is to all act like dinosaurs at the dinner table - it makes for a very interesting dinner, but Lukas ends up eating his whole plate of food!  (So if you come to eat with us soon, be prepared to act like a T-Rex!)

Sleeping: 11-12 hours every night!  1.5-3 hour nap (1.5 hours at school and over 3 on the weekends!).  We try to put Lukas to bed around 7:30 every night and bedtime takes about 30 minutes.  Many mornings we have to wake him up for school - the kid loves his sleep!  He is still sleeping in his crib with bunny and his blanket.

Friends:
@ Primrose: He is still "missing Rome" everyday when you ask who he played with at school.  And he misses Nate but gets excited whenever we see him (They are in a class next to each other now).  He talks about Owen and Vera the most, so I suppose those are his two current buddies in EPS2. (And Owen still bites according to Lukas....)
- He is in love with Elise (our friends Lauren & Eugene's little girl) - we see her often and Lukas just follows her around.  She tells him what to do and bless his little heart, he does it!  He calls her "Lisey".
- He talks about "Baby Oliver" often, even if it's been a few days since we've seen Chris, Emily & Oliver, so I think he likes him and is excited to have a guy friend to play with one day on the weekends!

Favorite Books:  (there's a few...)
- The Little Engine that Could (I'm really ready for that phase to end.  Luckily, he is more interested in finding the farmer and his sheep than actually reading the book.  Last night he had to kiss the farmer good night!)
- Goodnight Moon (Every. Single. Night. Multiple. Times. Sigh.)
- "Wocket Pocket" (i.e. There's a Wocket in My Pocket) or "Cat Hat" (i.e. The Cat in the Hat) - he really likes Dr. Seuss right now
- Just Like My Mum (It's a really cute book if you've never read it or are looking for a baby shower gift! And Lukas knows most of the story so he "reads" along with me.)

Favorite songs:
- The Thomas and Friends theme song - he tries his best to sing along and gets SO EXCITED when he hears it.  My favorite part is when he sings about Thomas as the "cheeky one"...I'll try to get a video soon!
- The Mickey Mouse Club house song & Hot Dog song - perhaps he's been watching a little M-I-C-K-E-Y m-o-u-s-e....
- Electric Car by They Might be Giants - Lukas knows all the words.  And loves "leclec car". (The CD is another great kid gift!)

Favorite toys:
- Dinosaur flash cards and his dinosaur figurines.
- Toy kitchen
- Thomas the Train & Thomas puzzle

Lukas is a really happy, sweet boy.  He gives hugs and kisses and likes to snuggle.  But he also likes to be independent.  He doesn't walk, he RUNS everywhere.  He loves to dance and sing and play.  The only time we have real tears is at bedtime.  Lukas would rather stay up and play or read books than go to bed, but once he goes down, he's out for the night.  Mr. Cob has a better handle on the bedtime routine than me...perhaps because I give in to Lukas' "requests" even though I know he is simply stalling.

I love this age.  He can more or less always tell us what he wants or what is bothering him.  And he is just so fun to be around.  He reminds me to smile and have fun with life!

For Nana & Pop Pop

Lukas talks nonstop these days.  In the car he likes to sing songs and hunt for ambulances.  On our recent trip to Michigan his grandparents taught him a song about motorboats.  He doesn't quite have all the words down, but it's still cute!

I Thought Terrible Started At Two

Alternate Titles for this post:

Payback, 28 Years Later: An Early Birthday Gift to my Mom

Is Swinging Really that Amazing?

Why I am Happy I'm not a Stay-at-Home-Mom

Red Wine: The Drink of Choice by Moms of Toddlers Everywhere

Help me.  No seriously, help me.

Ok, so can you guess now what this post is about?  Two words: Temper Tantrums.

In a week the little man will be 19 months old.  And he is making his presence known around these parts.  My mom will surely read this post and laugh outloud and know that the karma police have struck again.  See, the thing is, I was the queen of temper tantrums.  (Shocking, right?)  It didn't matter where we were or who was around, if I was upset anyone within ear shot was going to know about it.  I'm not sure how my mom managed to keep her cool with me growing up.  But she did.  At least I don't remember her ever losing her shit on me.  And I'm hoping that I can somehow learn to do this with Lukas.  Because I fear he is following in his momma's footsteps.  (Damn those genes.)

It has surely begun.

A few nights ago was the worst to date.  I was inside the house making dinner while Mr. Cob pushed Lukas in our new swing out back.  Lukas LOVES to swing.  I'm convinced you could plop him in the swing and push him for hours before he'd bore of it.  I suppose this was our mistake for putting him in the swing knowing dinner would be ready within 15 minutes.  We won't make that mistake again, I assure you.

So once dinner was ready I yelled out back to my boys.  Once I realized Mr. Cob was on a phone call, I skipped down our steps to push my little dude in the swing for a few minutes before bringing him in for dinner.  Now I should mention that Lukas starts crying and screaming "MORE, MORE" when you aren't swinging him high enough or pushing the swing often enough.  And he usually protests when it is time to stop swinging.  This swinging thing is serious business.  But this time was different.  He lost his mind.  He had clamped on to that swing and I had to pry his little fingers off the ropes.  Then he began flailing his arms and legs as I carried him up the steps.  At one point his little fist hit me in the mouth!  I don't think it was on purpose, but admittedly, I'm not sure. 

Through his screams and sobs and flailing I try to "redirect" by talking about food - mentioning all his favorite things.  "Buddy, let's eat some olives, and cheese."  Nothing.  More yelling.  I tried to put him in his highchair, which I'm sure was a comical sight.  He just arched his back and pushed off with his feet, screaming the entire time.  Mr. Cob tried to call him down, to no avail.  So we put him on the ground and said we loved him and that we understood he was upset and wanted to swing, but that it was time to eat dinner.  Yea, you can't rationalize with a toddler.  He just looked at me like I was some crazy lady and screamed even louder.  He ran to our back door and cried "OUT" and "SWING" repeatedly in between his sobbing.

At that point I had no idea what to do.  So we just ignored him while Mr. Cob and I ate our dinner in silence.  Well, not in silence.  We ate to a chorus of screams, yelps and sobbing.  And the little dude did not let up.  He went on for a good 15 minutes.  But I was holding strong and there was no way in hell we were letting him back outside to swing.  I kept telling myself that we were the parents.  We were the ones in control.  Riiiight, we had complete control of the situation.  Totally.  Clearly.

He eventually calmed down once Mr. Cob offered him olives.  But it wasn't the olives that calmed him down.  No, he started screaming "MOMMA" when Mr. Cob approached him.  Apparently he was mad at dadda. (Score one for momma?)  So he ran over to me and finally sat down on my lap to eat dinner.  Phew, one temper tantrum down, countless more to come.

Please, someone tell me that this stage will be short lived.  Or give me some tips to deal with it. (Other than red wine.) What are you supposed to do when your wee one is in the middle of a colossal meltdown?  And worse, what do I do when it happens in a public place for the first time?  I can't ignore him in the middle of Publix, can I?

So help me.  What are your tips?  What do you do?  What books should I be reading?  Where can I find a toddler whisperer?

Smiles

I love this little guy!

Other Stuff

I know I've been neglecting the blog the past week.  It's not for any other reason than that I've been busy with life.  You see:

 The Spring Bonnet Parade at Primrose was last week...

I had a bit of meltdown over life.

Lukas threw up in the middle of the night and slept right through it.  Scary and gross.

I stayed home from work to take care of the little guy.

My mom recovered all our couch cushions on our porch.  Here's a sneak preview before the big reveal to come later.

We had our entire backyard dug up, leveled and re-done.  It is awesome.  And green.  It was not.  Green, that is.  We now have sod and flower beds with no flowers.  Our budget could only go so far.

Lukas loved the tractor.

We're having our driveway torn up and repaved next week.  I'll share pictures of the finished product then.

Oh and then I got the stomach bug and felt like I was dying.

So that is why I have not written in a while.  I'll be back soon.  I promise.

Guns, Horses & Meat

I was a country girl this Easter weekend.  The highlights of which included riding a horse for the very first time, shooting a 20 gauge shotgun and breaking my vegetarian streak by consuming steak, fried chicken and pulled pork all within a 48 hour span.

My little Easter bunny

We spent the weekend at a hunting lodge in South Georgia with a group of friends and their kiddos.  Lukas loved the fresh air and took a 3 and half hour nap one day!  I enjoyed hanging with my girlfriends and my two boys.  Lukas and his friend Elise even did an Easter egg hunt! I thought they were too young and wouldn't catch on to the hunt part, but they did - I'll post some pictures when I get them uploaded.  It was a wonderful weekend getaway. 

In the meantime, here's a video of my little guy from last week.  It's long, but the entire thing cracks me up. This is such a fun age!

New Nigh-Nigh

Lukas has slept with the same blanket in his crib since he was about two months old.  I bring it with us when we're traveling and cover him up in it when it's chilly.  But he has never shown any sort of attachment to it.  Until this week. 

After our usual night time routine, I rocked him for a few minutes and then put him to bed in his crib as usual.  He laid down but then immediately sat up.  I braced myself for the clearly inevitable begging/screaming to pick him back up.  But no.  He didn't even acknowledge that I was still standing there.  He crawled over to the blanket, balled it up and then laid on top of it and fell fast asleep.

Well that's a new one.

The next night, same thing.  I lay him down practically asleep and he sits up, finds the blanket and then curls up with the blank squished under him.  It's now happened every night this week.

So last night I decided to get this new night-night thing on video.  And since I'm brilliant, I left the light on my phone which threw him off a bit.  Crying/whimpering is not typically part of this sit-crawl-find blanket-sleep routine.  But you get the gist.

Also, please disregard my creepy voice.  And yes, I call him bubba.  I can't help it.  It just comes out.

Zoo Scare

We went to the Atlanta zoo this weekend for the first time with Lukas.

Things he loved: the tigers and lions and bears (oh my!) and the petting zoo (especially the sheep)

Things he did not really care for: the parakeets and the naked mole rats

Things he hated: the elephant - it scared him something real

Back to the Kid

I've been talking way too much about me, my feelings and what I'm eating lately.  It's time to turn back to the kiddo.

Mr. Cob caught us reading a book last night.  One of our favorite books, in fact.  It's a Little Book by Lane Smith.  You can get it here.  Lukas' aunt is a first grade teacher so she's in the know about good kids books and she gave this book to Lukas.  He loves it.  It'd be a great gift for a friend's new baby or first birthday.  Also, while we're talking about great gift ideas, any book by Mo Willems would also be a great choice.  (Our personal favorite is The Pigeon Wants a Puppy.  Or does she?)

Anyway, back to the book.  Lukas loves it.  We read it at least once a day.  And by read, I mean we actively read it.  Lukas now does the motions for us, and it's freaking adorable.

(Note: Please disregard my after-work hair and attire.  Kay, thanks.)

My favorite is the emailing.  And the quacking.

Am I Lying to Myself?

I sometimes wonder if I'm just lying to myself about the "fact" that I do not want to be a stay-at-home-mom.  And on days like today, I'm pretty sure it's just this elaborate lie I've convinced myself is true in order to not have a mental breakdown.  Because if I'm being honest, today I wanted nothing more than to stay at home with my little guy.

I knew this would happen.  It always does after a vacation.  I've spent the last ten days with my guys.  I loved every minute with them.  We had so much fun and I got baby hugs and kisses all day long.  Lukas is in such a fun stage where everything is so interesting to him and he is constantly learning about the world. Am I missing this by being at work all day?  Am I going to look back and regret this?  I've told myself that its not the amount of time that we spend together, but that we make the most of the time we do spend together.  Quality over quantity.  But is this complete bullshit?  Am I just deluding myself into believing this lie?

It didn't help that on our trip we were with my nephew and my brother.  Lukas and Stuart were so sweet together and I was so happy seeing them play.  I was also sad because I know it's only a few times a year now that they'll be able to play together.  But it was time I wouldn't trade for anything in the world.

The happiness captured in this picture is how I want to always feel.  Sheer joy.  And you're not even seeing the joy that is in the face behind the camera.  You can be sure I had a huge smile on my face.

And this one.  The boys playing at the park together.  Wherever one went, the other was right behind.

 And the petting zoo - they both couldn't get enough of feeding the goat.  A memory I'll keep forever.

So I know part of my sadness this morning was not just about being apart from Lukas, it was also due to the  reality of being back home and away from family.  I cried the minute our car pulled out of the driveway at my aunt's house as I was waving to Brent and Stuart.  I'm tearing up now just thinking about them and our trip.  I wish we lived in the same city.  Perhaps one day we will again.

This morning was especially bad because Lukas wouldn't let go of me when we got to school.  He now does this thing where he curls up his legs and refuses to put his feet on the ground if I'm holding him and he doesn't want me to put him down.  He just clings on to my neck and starts crying.  I couldn't just leave him.  So I stayed for a while.  Eventually though, I knew I had to go. His teacher came over and held him while I left.  He was reaching out for me and screaming the entire time.  I cried.  It is one of the worst feelings as a mom - to see and hear your child cry out for you and still walk away.  It goes against every maternal instinct.  But I had to leave because I work, and this is what I've signed up for right now.  But it was terrible.  And I felt like a bad mom, yet again.  The feelings of guilt and questioning came rising up to the surface.

I made some quick comment to Keri, the school owner, as I was leaving about how hard it is to leave when your little man is begging you to stay.   She smiled and gave me an understanding look and encouraging word.  I left and drove to work in tears.  By the time I sat down at my desk and loaded my computer, I had an email from Keri waiting for me.  She wanted to let me know he was happy and already smiling rather than crying.  And she sent me this picture to prove it.

This is why I love Primrose and Keri and the whole crew there.  And so while I am questioning whether or not I'm a liar, I at least feel confident that Lukas is at a great place.  Even if he's not with his momma.  They care enough to make sure I know he is smiling after I leave.

Just one Bite?

I have a confession. I'm a bit embarrassed and ashamed to admit it.  But maybe I'm not the only one, so here's hoping someone else can relate.

I feed my child macaroni and cheese for dinner about 50% of the time.  Ok, 60%. 

It's Annie's organic, does that count?  (No, I didn't think so.)

Here's the thing, I try to feed him other, healthier food, but he's gone on this crazy hunger strike and has become the pickiest eater ever.  And he flat out refuses to let anyone feed him, so don't even think about trying to spoon feed him anything.  He just screams in your face and shakes his head no.  This makes it difficult to give him anything that is not bite size, unless I feel like dealing with the mess created by a toddler trying to spoon feed himself.  Although, that can be good for a laugh if you have time to hose him down afterward.

He doesn't seem to have a problem eating at school - every day his sheet is marked with "ate everything" for his breakfast, AM snack, lunch, early PM snack and late PM snack (yes, they eat a lot, so maybe he's just not hungry for dinner?  maybe?)  I think the only thing he wouldn't eat at school recently was salmon croquettes, and really, this isn't shocking.  So at least he's getting some veggies and other "healthy" stuff at school and I know he will eat other food, just not at dinner.  Just not for me.

Last night I gave him meatloaf, which he quickly picked up and handed back to me.  So I tried some peas, usually a favorite of his.  Nope, on the floor.  Figuring it wouldn't hurt, I offered him some brussel sprouts.  Screams. I must be crazy.  Mushroom from my salad?  Tears.  Finally, I just heated up the mac & cheese and sure enough he gobbled that up.  I just worry he'll go hungry and wake up in the middle of the night if I don't give him something to eat for dinner.  So I keep giving in and offering the mac & cheese.  At least it's my last resort and not the first thing I offer, right?

I've created this, haven't I?  He now knows that I will eventually offer the mac & cheese if he refuses everything else.  I think I need to Ferberize him again, but this time with food not sleep.  (The Ferber method is where you put the baby to sleep in the crib awake and DO NOT GO IN THE ROOM FOR ANY REASON WHATSOEVER EVEN THOUGH THEY ARE SCREAMING AND YOU ARE CRYING WHILE YOU STARE AT THE MONITOR KNOWING YOU ARE DOING IRREPARABLE HARM TO YOUR CHILD.  It takes about 3 days, but eventually they can go to sleep on their own without any crying.  If you attempt this, wine is a necessary part of the equation.  For the mom, not the baby.  Duh.  Perhaps the Ferber method would work with dinner, although I'm not sure I'm up for three nights of screaming about mac & cheese.  Although, it'd be best to do it before he can actually say the words and demand the gooey good stuff at the top of his lungs.)

Sigh.

Maybe its just a phase and I shouldn't be worried. He's still only in the 25th percentile for weight, so carbs for dinner might be a good thing.  (I know, I know, I'm delusional).  

Anyone else struggling with feeding your toddler?  Any tips?  Or tricks?

I should mention that he'll occasionally eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for dinner.  What?  That's not much better you say.  Whatever, what do you know.  Peanut butter has protein!  And jelly, well, that's fruit.  Really.  It is.

Talking Boy

Lukas is learning new words every day!  The big words of the weekend were "whoa" and "Stu"! 

The Worst Part...

...of being a working-mom is when your child is sick.  On so many levels this sucks.  I wish there was a better word for it, but sucks about encompasses it right now.

After dinner last night I thought Lukas felt a bit warm so I took his temperature.  100.4 degrees.  A mild fever.  I gave him some Advil, did our normal bedtime routine and kissed him goodnight.  Fast forward to this morning. After 11 hours of sleeping without making a peep, the little man woke up.  When I picked him up he felt more like a hot potato than a small child.  I knew the fever was back.  103.1 degrees.  More Advil.

Mr. Cob was out of town for work, so I was flying solo, and emailed my work letting them know I would not be making it in today.  I used to say "I'll be working from home since Lukas is sick today", but I quickly learned after one time of trying that, that there is no "working" when you're home with a sick baby.

Aside from the high fever, nothing else was wrong with him.  He was happy (thank God), just really hot.  The Advil worked in the morning and he cooled down to a nice 99.1 degrees.  He slept for a few hours and then woke up hot.  I could tell the fever was back, so we tried a tepid bath.  He was still a little fire ball after the bath.  One ear registered 105.1 degrees and the other was 104.4 degrees.  At this point I started to really worry.  More Advil.  And a call to the doctor.  They told me not to come in because at this point there was nothing else they could do.  The fever gradually went down and hovered around 101.5 degrees until I put him to bed.  The doctor said to call back if it went up to 104 again and stayed there for an hour or so and didn't respond to Advil or Tylenol.  He's now sound asleep and I'm staring at him on the video monitor.  I doubt I'll sleep much tonight, choosing instead to worry and stare at him to make sure he's still breathing and OK.

Luckily Mr. Cob is back from his trip.  He offered that he can stay home tomorrow with Lukas if I needed to go to work, and was confused when I started crying after he said that.  The thing is, I want to be home with him.  I don't want to leave my sick baby and go to work.  But I'm now behind in work after having missed a full day today, and I really should go in tomorrow, especially since Mr. Cob and grandma Sip Sip can watch him.

And that is the worst part.  Having to choose between going to work and being home with my fever-y baby.  It is days like today that I wish I were a stay-at-home-mom.  It's just not right for a momma to not be with her baby when he's not feeling good.  This is when I feel like a bad mom. I know I'm not, but tomorrow I will feel like one.  I just will.