Getting Out There

My pity party is over. For the moment. I'm going to try to avoid them going forward.

We had a good weekend. And we were here, in Macon, the entire time. (Shock).

Husband found out about free yoga in the park on Saturday mornings and he decided I should go. I was reluctant. I made excuse after excuse: It's going to be too cold. The boys won't play in the park with you while I'm doing yoga within their line of vision. I won't be in the mood.  Keep in mind two things: 1. I LOVE yoga. 2. The reason I don't go often is that it is costly and the boys need to be watched while I'm away. Soooooo, yea, this should've been a no-brainer.  But I was nervous. I'd be walking into a group of people I'd never met and the what-ifs started.  Thankfully husband was a little insistent and Saturday morning I found myself dressed and being driven to the park, yoga mat in hand.

And you know what?  I LOVED it. I didn't actually talk to anyone, so there were no new friends made.  But I went and I had fun and I stretched my body and I breathed.  And my soul was better for it.

I then had a sort of ah ha moment: I need to stop being so afraid of getting out there.  If I'm going to make this place my home, I need to jump in. With both feet. It is hard, yes. But if I just sit inside this house all day, every day, I will never find my place here.  This is not mind-blowing stuff, but it did sort of smack me upside the head when I finally admitted to myself that I was just afraid of trying to make friends and do new things.

After yoga, the boys and I walked up to Mercer Village and had brunch in a cute little cafe/juice bar. And it was great.

Then on Sunday morning we went to church. I wasn't too jazzed about the idea. I have very mixed feelings about organized religion, especially down here in the Bible belt.  I find most Christians to not practice what they preach, and then I simple disagree with what the others believe.  So yea, church isn't something I love going to.  But here it seems that most people's social lives are connected to their church, so we thought we'd try to find a church to make some friends and meet more people.

In Atlanta we went to a Lutheran church, but the one here seemed to be small and we're not really looking for the small church thing seeing as how our motivation for going is to meet people.  BUT, we both refuse to go to a church that holds certain beliefs because, well, they're in deep contrast to what we fundamentally believe, so that knocks out a lot of deep South churches.  So we landed on an Episcopal church downtown. And they even had a family service at 9am, which meant I didn't have to worry about two loud children bothering others as they tried to pray.

The church was beautiful and we were welcomed by the clergy as we walked in.  The service had some similarities to a Lutheran service, so it wasn't completely foreign. But there was a lot of Bible references (I know, I know) and the word "dead" or "death" was mentioned many times which made me uncomfortable with Lukas sitting next to me - I'm not prepared for those questions from him yet! And the hymns were totally new to me. But it was on the short side (45 minutes), the sermon was directed at the children (be thankful for what you have/don't complain) and the message was one we've been able to continue talking about with Lukas.  The only off-putting thing was that there were maybe 30 people in the congregation.  Small is not what were going for, remember?  Womp womp.

But after the service, as we're about to leave, this guy, Brian, ran up to us and said he just wanted to come introduce himself because he'd never seen us before.  Well, long story-short, we ended up speaking to him and his wife for over thirty minutes - turns out he brews beer (like the husband) and they have two boys as well (albeit, they're in elementary school so it's not like they'd be friends).  And I was introduced to another women who happens to live about ten houses down from us on the same side of the road!  They also confirmed that the church is actually much bigger - most people just go to the later, traditional service.  They invited us to Sunday school, but that would've been a bit much for me, so we declined.  But all in all, they were so kind and welcoming and the guy even gave the hubs his number and said to call him so they could grab a beer sometime, even if we never come back to the church.  It was so nice to actually talk to people.

And so the lesson was loud and clear again; You have to get out there!  And it is not enough to just get out there, you have to make the EFFORT when you are there.  You have to talk to people.  Say hello. You may not meet your new best friend, but you might be surprised and start to feel a little more confident in your ability to make friends.

Church Search Conclusion

It has been over a year and a half ago that we started our Church Search and it has finally come to an end.  We've found a church.  And we're joining it officially on October 23, which will be the same day that Lukas is baptized at said church.  As we discussed with the Pastor, it'll be nice to all join together on the same day, as a family.

Our search didn't go as I'd assumed it would.  I envisioned us trying out lots of different churches in Atlanta and had even started a list of places I was interested in, but we only ended up going to three different churches during our search.  The first was Redeemer Lutheran Church on Peachtree in Midtown.  It is a beautiful church that Mr. Cob and I had attended multiple times a few years back.  We liked it, but there was something that never felt quite "right" to me.  I was always a little uncomfortable.  And the one pastor we really like had left the church in the few years since we'd attended.

The second church we went to was Buckhead Church with some friends.  It was an entertaining service, but ultimately was not what we were looking for, for various reasons.

The third church we tried was St. John's Lutheran church on Ponce in the Candler Park/Druid Hills area of Atlanta, about 5 minutes from our house.  We've driven by the church countless times and thrown out the idea of trying it one day.  Eventually a few months ago, that one day came.  It's a smaller church than I thought we'd end up in.  The first service we attended was  in the summer and the regular pastor was out of town, so there was a female pastor filling in.  I enjoyed the service.  Mr. Cob seemed to like it just fine, but was a tad weary of the smallness.  We both liked it enough that we decided we'd go again when the regular pastor was back to hear him and give it a second chance.  And then I did some research on the internet and came across this piece  on the pastor.  And while most people will probably think I'm nuts for saying this, reading that piece is the reason I initially new that this church might be the place for us.  The fact that Pastor Bradley is gay said all I needed to know about this church.  It was open to all people.  It was liberal.  It practiced what Christians preach.  Acceptance.  Nonjudgement.  Love.  I called Mr. Cob and shared this bit of information with him and told him I definitely wanted to go back.  He thought I was crazy, but having grown up Lutheran himself, I believe he was happy that we might end up raising our own family in the religion of his childhood.

So we went back.  And then we went back again, and again.  Every week that we go, I feel good afterwards.  I feel happier about the world and have a renewed sense of faith in people.  I smile more.  I look forward to going back the next week.

This is a very odd and strange thing for me.  I have never before been fully comfortable in any church.  I don't usually connect with the sermon and what people are saying.  I am going through the motions and fidgeting the entire time.  But that has changed since we've found St. Johns.

We had coffee with Pastor Bradley and talked about joining the church and getting Lukas baptized.  Our conversation with him left in me with similar feeling to how I felt when we met with Brian, the Methodist minister that married us.  They are both very open and loving and not at all what I thought clergymen would be like.  I realized that I didn't have to believe 100% of the things that I thought Christians believed in before joining the church.  I don't have to have all the answers to the questions I have.  Best of all, I felt comfortable talking to Pastor Bradley about the questions I had about faith, Hell and Christianity.  He suggested some books that I might find interesting on the topic and the one I've already read, Love Wins, was a great read and one that I connected with.

Yesterday, St. John's Church celebrated the Feast of St. Francis with a blessing of the animals during the service.  So we brought our pup, Wrigley to church with us.  Lukas' favorite thing (aside from his mom and dad, of course), are dogs.  He can say the word dog.  He walks up to Wrigley, throws himself on her and just loves on her.  He can find pictures of dogs in his books.  And he gets very happy when he sees a dog.  So you can only imagine his joy upon sitting in church and staring, pointing at all the doggies and repeatedly saying "dog" yesterday.  As I sat in the last pew with my 11 month old son on my lap, babbling "dog" during the silent moments, my husband a little harried sitting next to me while our dog pawed at the puppy in front of her, I smiled and was truly happy in this chruch.

I am happy that we have found a place where I can explore my faith and hopefully grow in it.  I am happy that Lukas will be raised at a church that seems to practice what it preaches and that he will be taught at church to truly accept all types of people, no matter what.  I am happy that my family now has a church home.  I am happy that the church search has come to a successful end.

Mind block

Yea, yea, I realize I haven't written in almost two weeks.  It's not intentional, I promise.  Its just that I don't feel like I have anything to say that anyone would want to read about.  I mean, do you really care about reading the full story for the following blog Titles?

1.  Date Night: Do I get points for staying out past midnight?!

2. Church Search Complete? Maybe, thanks to the internet informing me that the pastor is gay.

3.  "Bup, Bup" = Puppy?: Tales of interpreting the speech of an 8 month old

4.  Get down from that [insert piece of furniture here]!: Our child likes to climb (Alternative title: We are so f*cked)

5.  9 months to put it on, 9 months to take it off

6.  Beware of Older Women: Lukas gets his First Kiss

So those would be the six blog posts I'd write if I were writing a post.  I doubt anyone will miss the actual stories, right?

Religious Reading List

Since I posted my Religious Choice post last month, I've had multiple conversations with friends and family about religion and spirituality.  The greatest thing to come out of these posts has been the open dialogue that I've started with some of  you, which we may never otherwise have begun.  Aside from these conversations, I've also loved hearing that my posts and the comments following those posts have planted a seed in others to evaluate what you believe and why you believe it.  Or made you realize that you were being a bit complacent in your beliefs without having explored them in some time, if ever.  And it seems a few people have decided to go on their own religious exploration, which I think is fabulous!

I had asked various people for reading recommendations and thought I would share the response.  Admittedly, I've been a bit preoccupied with family and friend visits and preparing for baby that I haven't actually started reading any of these books myself, but I plan to.

Feel free to add any other books you think would be thought-provoking and on point.

• "Crazy Love: Overwhelmed by a Relentless God" by Francis Chan
• "A Generous Orthodoxy" by Brian McLaren.  He talks about alot of different aspects of Christianity and is honest about the weaknesses. 
• "A Case for Christ" by Lee Strobel, which is really good and reads kinda like a court case ;). 
• Of course one of the classics is "Mere Christianity" by CS Lewis, it is more academic than the other two. 
• One more that is really good and an excellent read is "Blue Like Jazz".  by Donald Miller
• "The Great Divorce," by C.S. Lewis

Have I Lost You Yet?

I've been wavering back and forth for a week now about whether or not to post the below post.  I wrote it about 5 days ago and its just been sitting here.  But since I don't have a belly pic to share today, I figure I might as well share this with the world...

I know my blog has no real "theme" and jumps around a lot between pregnancy chatter, religion, home-renovation, travel and my random ramblings.  This flow works for me as it follows my everyday life of disarray.  But lately the focus clearly has been on spirituality/religion/faith and I know some of you probably have no interest in my thoughts on the matter, but as the multiple emails and comments I've received have shown, some do.  And all the feedback has been wonderful and really gotten me thinking.

One friend emailed me and asked me to explain why I don't believe in Hell, which forced me to lay out my thoughts on the matter, something I've never really done before.  She and I then continued a back and forth conversation about the topic and she brought up some thought-provoking points.

So in the continued interest of honesty and keeping my life an open book, I thought I'd share my email to her about Why I don't believe in Hell:

Ah, now you have me thinking! I love that I have such intelligent friends who don't let me just make flippant statements without being able to back them up (Mr. Cob kept prodding me last night). So here's my thing with hell - I really do think that God is this all-loving being. I don't think he's a vengeful God who has put us on this Earth to test us. I just don't know why he would do that. What's the point? To see if we are worthy of being allowed to enter his kingdom? Perhaps. But He has put us on this Earth and while we're here, he's given us free will to choose to live our lives however we please. I can't understand why he would give us free will if he was then going to just turn around and condemn us for choosing to lead out lives in a particular way. Why give us the choice then? Why not just have us act how He wants us to act? Which then leads to the bigger question of why are we here and is the only purpose in life to lead a God-honoring life where we praise Jesus and make every decision in our life based upon what God/Jesus thinks is the right thing? I have no clue. Yet more questions.


So then you raise a good point - what about people who lead evil lives? Hitler, for example? Surely he isn't in Heaven? Well I don't know about that. Who am I to say that what he did is "worse" in the eyes of God than any other sinner? Isn't sin, sin? Are there really degrees of sin? I think there are degrees of evilness, but in the big, Godly picture, is one sin really worse than another? Regardless, I really think God forgives everyone and does not banish anyone to Hell. And to have this view, then yes I do think that truly evil people go to Heaven as well. Which is almost assine to believe, I don't blame you for thinking that I'm crazy in this thought. It just all leads back to not thinking that God is vengeful. And in order to believe he's not vengeful, the only conclusion is that no one, no matter how evil, is "punished" by God.

So where did I get these thought about Hell? I think it stems from the Conversations with God books by Neale Donald Walsch. Basically the thought is that Hell is used to further the fear-based nature of church and religion. It's something that the church created to fear people into behaving the way it thinks God wants us to. I don't think fear should drive any of our beliefs.

I will admit though, that I wonder if I am wrong in this thought. Maybe there is a Hell and I'm going to it? I have no clue. I've done a lot of things in my life that aren't "Godly", but then again, who hasn't? And can we really avoid Hell by just accepting Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior? I don't understand that either? I think I don't know enough about the Christian idea of Hell to be able to really further my argument for thinking it doesn't exist. I think Mr. Cob thinks it exists and would like for me to as well - he has said before that he just wants us to be together after this life and that's hard for him to think will happen if I don't believe what he believes. Does that make sense? Which is one of the reasons I've been struggling with all this, especially with the fact that we're about to have a child.

On another front, I do think there are multiple ways to Heaven. And who are we to say that Christianity/Jesus is the only way? That's for God to decide. As Brian (our minister who married us) told me, he doesn't know if Christianity is the only way, and he would be remiss to preach that it is, but what he does know is that believing in Jesus IS one way that will lead us to Heaven/salvation. He's the first person who had told me that theory and it helped open my thoughts and think that maybe I could be a Christian and reconcile some of my other thoughts on other religions. Like I could never understand how a child born in India and is Hindu would go to Hell simply because of his place of birth and the mere fact the family he was born into wasn't Christian. I couldn't understand how it can be THE ONLY way. I can see how it is definitely a way though.

All this has made me realize that I have all these thoughts/beliefs and I don't always know why I think. Some are just what seems/feels right to me. But its really hard not having the background. And just going to church each week doesn't really give you that knowledge.

I also think that for a long time I've been almost so defensive about the subject and had a hard time even listening to people try to explain why they believe what they believe, because it then brings up the fact that I don't have those beliefs. And what if in the end I'm wrong for not having them? I don't know the answer, but I'd like to try to sort some of it out!

But lets put aside what I think (or what I think I think) about Hell and assume it does exist. Who goes to Hell? (This is an honest question, because I really don't know what the Christian thought is.) Is it people who sin? What about people who sin but then "find God" and repent and accept Jesus into their hearts? Does this act of accepting Jesus wash their sin? What about a death row inmate who killed a family of 5 but finds God in his years awaiting his execution? Does he still go to Hell because of his evil actions on this earth? Or what about the man who has an affair (covets his neighbor's wife)? Does he go to Hell? I guess the ultimate question is, does accepting Jesus as the son of God wash away any sin on Earth? And what do you have to do in order to accept Jesus? (Again, these are all serious questions - I'm not trying to be difficult, I really don't have any clue?)

Post email follow-up:
After sending this to my friend and reading her response and also discussing this with another friend, I'm now questioning my belief on the matter (not yet convinced there is such a thing as "Hell" but feel like my eyes are a little more open to it).  I still don't believe in a hell that is an inferno ruled by the devil and his pitchfork.  However, I'm now thinking there could be some sort of "Hell".  My one friend wrote to me that in her view, Hell is "eternal separation from God".  What that looks like, she doesn't know.  This is the first time I've heard Hell described in this way and after some thought on the matter, I can actually understand this concept of Hell and am now thinking about what that would mean.

So give me your thoughts on the subject.  I told you I was open to having my mind changed.

Faith Search Update

So I have a few additional thoughts in follow up to my recent post about Religious choice that I wanted to share.

I know religion is a taboo topic (along the lines of politics), but please feel free to share any thoughts you may have on the subject with me.  I've had two friends email me separately about my post and let me know that they were hesitant to even mention it because they didn't want to come across as pushy or overstep any line.  So I just wanted to make clear that I welcome any and all thoughts on religion and your personal experiences.  I promise to hear all thoughts with a nonjudgemental, open mind.  And if you don't feel like sharing those with the world by commenting, feel free to email me - thenestingswans@gmail.com - and we can have a private dialogue. 

Mr. Cob and I had a long conversation last night about faith and religion and society.  I was first curious to know what he thought about my post and whether there was anything that stuck out to him.  This somehow turned in to a conversation about Jesus and the fact that I know very little about him/Him (do you capitalize the H when referring to Jesus?).  Did I know the speech on the mountain story? Nope.  And all other references/stories Mr. Cob asked me about (aside from the cross and subsequent resurrection story), I have no real knowledge of.  So he pointed out that I really don't know anything when it comes to Jesus, which is a valid conclusion.  So I've decided that a good starting point for me in this whole faith thing, is learning more about Jesus' teachings and life.

Then we talked a lot about the "Golden Rule" and whether most people try to live out this rule and what it really means.  While I wasn't raised with "religion", my parents always, always, stressed that I should "Treat others as you would like to be treated."  And I think I've tried to live my life this way.  Sure, I don't always follow this rule, but I'd like to think I try.  But what does it really mean to treat others as you would like to be treated?  I take the rule to mean you shouldn't judge other people and should come from a place of kindness.  But I also feel that most people don't try to live by this rule, or in any event, fail in trying to implement it.  I then realized that I might see things a little too black and white.  And Mr. Cob pointed out that I have all these thoughts that I really haven't thought through, which is true because they're just sort of floating in my head without having had any outlet or discussion in some time.   So now I'm trying to figure out what The Golden Rule really means and how to apply it in every day life.

Has anyone else noticed that when I have one question, it never gets answered, but rather just leads to ten additional questions?  Hum, funny how that happens.

And finally our talk turned to marriage and why people get married.  This conversation blew me away.  Mr. Cob has some interesting views and thoughts (although part of me wonders if he says things just to keep our conversations going and to get my all riled up and to really think about what I'm saying - you have to remember that the man is a litigator and argues for a living.  Then again, so do I. I have to stop for a moment and point out that I love the fact that my husband and I can have these insane conversations.)

So here's a question for you?  Why do people get married?  Why is marriage a religious ceremony more so than a legal ceremony (or is it)?  What does marriage add to society?

Our talk wound down the road to gay marriage and the reasons people oppose it, but I think that's a conversation for another day.  I'm now very curious to know why certain people get married.  Why did you?  Let me know your thoughts and I'll then fill you in on why I got married and what marriage means to me.

Religous choice

Over the past week that I spent with my parents at the beach, we had many conversations over dinner and games of dominoes and Phase Ten (our two games du jour for the week).  I learned about aspects of my father's childhood which I never before had heard (for example, when he was very young, he lived in a large house with his extended family - aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins - think typical Italian family.  How have I not heard this in my 29 years with them?!?).  We also had multiple talks about raising children and what it means to be a parent when you have adult children and how to handle elderly parents, when the child flips into the role of "parent".

The conversation that struck me the most and which I haven't been able to stop thinking about is a lengthy 2-3 hour conversation we had over lunch one afternoon.  I'm not sure how it began exactly, but the conversation was about religion.  At some point, I made the statement that in many ways I think it would've been easier if I'd been brought up believing in one specific religion.  I reasoned that I would then know what to believe and not be battling with the current questions I'm facing about religion and my own spirituality.  I didn't mean this as an insult to the way my parents raised me, nor do I think they took it that way.  But both parents emphatically disagreed with me. 

Well, to be fair, my dad acknowledged how I could think that it would be "easier" for me now had I been raised to believe one specific thing, but he questioned whether it would really in fact have mattered in the end.  As he pointed out, he was "raised" Catholic and went to Catholic school his whole childhood, but after many years he made up his own mind to reject Catholicism because it didn't feel right to him.  (These are my words paraphrasing what he said).  So he reasoned, that they could've raised me to be say a Protestant and I could have read the Bible every day and gone to Sunday school each week, but since I am in intelligent, free-thinking woman (thanks dad), at some point I would probably start questioning Protestantism and have to make up my own mind as to whether I truly believe everything I would've been taught.

I see his point.  But yet I still think that if I'd been raised in some sort of religion, I'd at least have a baseline for where to start now.  Would I still be totally confused?  Probably.  But today, I have no real idea what I believe.  Mr. Cob and I have started reading the Bible a few different times, but ended up stopping for various reasons.  We've also tried a handful of churches, but have yet to find one that "feels right." (at least in my opinion).  And so, at 29 years old, I have been struggling with this for a few years now.  I use the word struggling loosely, because this isn't something that keeps me up at night, or something that I put too much effort in to trying to figure out, but it's enough of an "issue" that I went so far as to begin writing a book about my frustrations the past year (only to abandon it when I became busy with other stuff - as is my way).

As it is, I was not raised to believe in one religion and I can't change that fact.  So whether it would've been "easier" for me to handle my spirituality now or not had I been raised differently is moot.  The more important question is what steps do I take from here?  How do I reconcile these feelings of frustration with an almost complete lack of any one faith?  And while Mr. Cob and I are on this church search, is it really a "church" that I should be searching for?  Or is it a belief?  Do I need a formal church?  What are the positives of finding one?  Do Mr. Cob and I need to believe the same thing?  Will Lukas be "better" off if we do find a church and lead him down one religious path of our choosing or will he do as my father did, and one day decide what he believes on his own regardless of how he is raised spiritually as a child?

Lots of questions.  Yet I have very few answers.

So what do I believe?  Maybe that is the best place to start.

- I believe in a higher being.  I refer to him as God, but I think He goes by many names and means different things to different people.

- I believe that inherently people are good and that treating others with kindness and love should be the basis for all interactions.

- I believe that there have been many amazing spiritual leaders who have walked the Earth and whom we should aspire to emulate in our own lives.

- I believe that the Bible has many wonderful stories that can be used to help teach us morals (though admittedly, I have not "read" the Bible and thus cannot really say much about it).

- I believe there are many paths to Heaven and that one religion cannot possibly trump another.  Each person should have the right to choose their own spiritual path and we should never condemn or judge another for believing something different from ourselves.

- I believe in Heaven, although I couldn't tell you what it looks like or really what I think happens when we die.  I believe in Heaven because it saddens me not to.  I use the word "Heaven" to mean something other than this life.  I hope its a place where my soul will be reunited with loved ones and where this journey will continue. 

And while my list of what I believe is short, I think it's equally, if not more important, to sort out what I do not believe.  And so here is what I do not believe.

- I do not believe in Hell.

- I do not believe in a vengeful God. 

- I do not believe in a God who would give us free-will and then punish us for making choices that are opposite to his desires.

- I do not believe that I was born in "sin".  This does not make sense to me.

- I do not believe in fear-based religion.

- I do not believe that premartial sex is "wrong".  I do not believe that homosexuality is "wrong".

- I do not believe this life is all there is.

- I do not believe that simply going to church every Sunday makes you religious.

- I do not believe that there is only one true path to God.

After making this list, I don't think the problem is necessarily finding a church or religion that coincides with what I do believe.  I think the problem will be with finding one that also adheres to everything I do not believe.

I wrote this post in hopes of sorting out some of my thoughts, but I now feel more confused.  I have more questions than when I started.  I suppose the next step is researching various religions and continuing to try new churches in hopes of finding something that speaks to me.

So here's to a renewed interest in the Church Search.  Which should perhaps be changed to the "Religion Search" or the "Spiritual Search".  Or maybe simply "the Great Search"...

If you need me, I'll be searching.

Church Search Church No. 1 - Buckhead Church

This morning we officially kicked off the Church Search by attending Buckhead Church for the first time. I didn't know much about the church, other than that it was in Buckhead and is very big. We have some friends who are very actively involved in Buckhead Church and others who have checked it out and never returned. But since I didn't know really what to expect, I went with an open mind.

While I didn’t do any research on the church before this morning, tonight I went on the website for some info. Here’s a little bit of background about the church courtesy of buckheadchurch.org:

The church’s mission is “... to lead people into a growing relationship with Jesus Christ.”

The beliefs:

“We believe the entire Bible is the inspired Word of God and that men were moved by the Spirit of God to write the very words of Scripture. Therefore, we believe the Bible is without error.”

“We believe in one God who exists in three distinct persons: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. We believe that Jesus Christ is the second member of the Trinity (the Son of God) who became flesh to reveal God to humanity and to become the Savior of the lost world. “

“We believe that all people were created in the image of God to have fellowship with him but became alienated in that relationship through sinful disobedience. As a result, people are incapable of regaining a right relationship with God through their own efforts. “


“We believe that the blood of Jesus Christ, shed on the cross, provides the sole basis for the forgiveness of sin. Therefore, God freely offers salvation to those who place their faith in the death and resurrection of Christ as sufficient payment for their sin.”


“We believe all Christians should live for Christ and not for themselves. By obedience to the Word of God and daily yielding to the Spirit of God, every believer should mature and be conformed to the image of Christ.”

“We believe that the church is the body of Christ, of which Jesus Christ is the head. The members of the church are those who have trusted by faith the finished work of Christ. The purpose of the church is to glorify God by loving him and by making him known to the lost world.”

The first thing that jumps out at you upon driving up to the church is the non-traditional look of the church. Mr. Cob said he’d always thought the building was an office building…it’s a four story glass building and the inside is all state of the art. Our friends Katie and BJ met us when we arrived and guided us to the sanctuary, which looked more like a concert hall. The room is HUGE and the “pulpit” is a stage flanked by two huge projection screens. The stage was adorned with a drum set, guitars and lights – lots of lights. It honestly felt like we were going to a concert. Not your typical, traditional church experience.

The service opened with three Christian rock songs. The acoustics were amazing and the music was great. I was surprised by how much I enjoyed the music. Probably because it was like we were listening to our typical music, just with different words (i.e. religious words). The singers had wonderful voices, and the concert-ish venue, made it difficult to not appreciate and feel the music. I was thrown off because I’d always assumed I liked traditional hymns better than “contemporary church music” but I now think I might have been mistaken. So far, so good.

As the music comes to a close, Katie leans over and says, “You do know the minister isn’t actually here?” “Um, no”, I say, “what?” Just then a third projection screen dropped over the center of the stage and the minister appeared on the screen. He wasn’t there in person because he was preaching at the Northpoint church. But our service was live – we were getting live feed of him preaching 20 miles up the road. The technology was really quite amazing if you think about it.

Today was the last of a three part series entitled “The White Flag” which examined the story of Jonah. From the brief description of the last two weeks’ sermons, I think I’d have been better suited for one of those services as they discussed people “resisting God” and trying to find their religious path. But today’s service, while not exactly on point with the current status of my own personal religious journey, was still very interesting and thought-provoking; two things that I hope to take away from every church service I attend. The overall message was to not just be a good person and a good Christian, but to get involved and have compassion for all people regardless of the depths of their own commitment to God or Christianity. Mr. Cob and I both left feeling like we wanted to get more involved in our community and the world at large.

Overall, I enjoyed the service and our experience this morning. It definitely is not your traditional church service or atmosphere, but perhaps that’s fitting for me given my non-traditional church-going background. I do want to return and go to a few more services to see if the substance speaks to me. The one major draw back is the enormity of the church. The sanctuary seated more people than the Fox Theater. Not exactly an intimate feeling. But there seem to be many ways to get involved and join smaller groups to meet people and feel more of a connection, if this is the church we do end up picking. The other off-putting part of the sermon was the multiple mentions of managing your finances in accordance with God’s law, which was just kind of confusing and I didn’t really understand what he meant, especially because when the offering was passed around, it was done with very little pomp and circumstance. It was just a bit odd.

Well the Church Search will definitely continue, but we’ll be keeping Buckhead Church on our list.

Church Search Recon

This weekend over brunch I was talking with my girlfriends about the Swans' upcoming Church Search.  As these are my friends and I know they're not judging me, I got in to some detail about my worries and hopes for the Church Search.  I then continued my discussions with my mom and sister-in-law last night.  One of the things that was brought up was what type of churches we were going to look at - are we just sticking to Christian churches?  And my initial response (though I haven't talked to Mr. Cob about this), is no.  Although, I do think we'll end up at a Christian church of some sort, I'd like to explore lots of options.  

But this lead to the big underlying issue that I have with churches in general: I'm not sure how I would categorize my religious beliefs.  Specifically, I'm not sure I would call myself a Christian.  Sure I celebrate Easter and Christmas, but that alone does not make one a Christian.  My problem is that I know the "gist" of Christianity, but not much more.  I can't really explain the core concepts of Christianity aside from knowing that Christians accept Jesus Christ as their Lord and savior.  And I'm not even sure exactly what that means.  He died for my sins?  That's not an explanation - I need more substance and understanding.  I clearly have much to learn.

So one of my friends suggested I do some background reading before beginning my Church Search.  I think her exact suggestion was to read Christianity for Dummies.  I thought it was a good idea, and didn't realize there's actually a book with said title!  I took Religion 101 in college, which examined Judaism, Christianity and Islam.  Unfortunately I no longer have the text book (I'm sure I sold it back for beer money) and I don't recall what we discussed.  But, I perused our home library last night in hopes that Mr. Cob had some book that might help, and sure enough he did.  So I started reading  Letters from a Skeptic: A Son Wrestles with His Father's Questions about Christianity by Gregory and Edward Boyd (which after opening the front cover, I realized actually belongs to LaVidaLeipprandt!  I'll have to return it when I'm done...I think Mr. Cob took it sometime in high school - over ten years ago!)  So far it's an interesting read and is expanding my knowledge of Christianity.  Yesterday I was also given the book Tales of Wonder: Adventures Chasing the Divine, an Autobiography by religious scholar Huston Smith. 

So in addition to my 30 books challenge, I'm adding some religious reading to my plate.  Anyone have any good religion books you'd recommend?  I'd like to read some non-Christian books as well - at least one on Buddhism.

But even though I'm not up to par on my religious background reading, we're still starting the Church Search this Sunday.  Our destination is yet to be determined.  Stay tuned. 

On the Hunt

Let the search begin: the Swans are looking for a church! I’ve been saying for a while now that I’d like Mr. Cob and I to find a church where we feel comfortable and can see ourselves becoming a part of. Admittedly, I haven’t done much to further this desire, but that’s about to change.

About two years ago we found a Lutheran church in Midtown that we both liked – Lutheran Church of the Redeemer on Peachtree. Mr. Cob grew up a Lutheran, so we thought that would be a good starting point – at least one of us was comfortable with its teachings and philosophy. We both really liked the pastor and felt that his services were not overly “preachy” (one of my fears) and we could relate to what he was saying. But we fell off the wagon and stopped going. And now it turns out that particular pastor is no longer with the church. I think we’ll definitely check it out again, but there were a few things that I didn’t particularly like about the church. I felt that there weren’t too many people there around our age – it was mainly older families. And they all seemed to be of the “upper class” Buckhead types, which just doesn’t resonate with me. In a word, it felt stuffy.

I didn’t grow up going to church on a regular basis. Part of the reason is that we moved every couple of years and it seemed that by the time my parents found a church they liked, we moved again. In California we went to the Crystal Cathedral who’s mission is “"To inspire and motivate persons through possibility thinking to grow in a loving relationship with Jesus Christ so they can be the persons God dreams, desires, and designed them to be." I went to Sunday school and remember the Christmas and Easter services were especially grand. In Virginia I don’t remember going to church aside from holidays. And then in Boston we went to the Unitarian Universalist church in our town. According to the UU website, “Unitarian Universalism is a caring, open-minded religion that encourages seekers to find their own spiritual path. Our faith draws on many religious sources, welcoming people with different beliefs. We are united by shared values, not by creed or dogma. Our congregations are places we gather to nurture our spirits and put our faith into action by helping to make our communities—and the world—a better place.” And once we moved to Georgia, we went to the Unity church. Unity’s website states that “Unity is a positive, practical, progressive approach to Christianity based on the teachings of Jesus and the power of prayer. Unity honors the universal truths in all religions and respects each individual's right to choose a spiritual path.” And then Mr. Cob and I were married by Brian, a Methodist pastor from my great aunt’s Methodist Church in Greenville, GA. Brian really opened my eyes and squashed a lot of my preconceived notions about “men of the cloth” and religion in general and piqued my interest in religion and finding a religious/spiritual home. If Brian had a ministry in Atlanta, without a doubt, we would be members of his church.

So between us, Mr. Cob and I have a wide range of religious exposure, which I feel is a testament to our openness on the subject. Ideally, I’d like to find a church where we connect with other couples and young families who are similar to ourselves. I’d like to find a place we are both comfortable and can grow in our spirituality individually and as a family. I’d also really like to find a place that our future children can flourish and have a religious home. Mr. Cob feels that being a part of church in his childhood was a positive experience and we’d both like that experience for our children.

So we are on the hunt. Over the next couple of months I plan for us to attend a variety of churches in the area with the intent of finding one we both like. We have at least two on the list, but are looking for suggestions of others to add. The first is Buckhead Church, which our good friends Katie & BJ attend. The second is giving the Lutheran Church of the Redeemer another go-round. Anyone out there have any thoughts or opinions on other places we should try?

My plan is to chronicle our experiences at the various churches we try, so check back for updates!