Quick Cali Trip

Luke and I were in California the past 4 days visiting my brother and nephew, with my parents thrown in as an added bonus.  Our trip was amazing.  Lukas and Stuart LOVE each other and played great together.  They were two little wild monkeys and played the entire time we were there.  They make quite the pair.

I can't wait for our next visit out West...



Cali Playground

Yesterday my mom downloaded some pictures from our last afternoon in California.  I tried my hardest to get a picture of the two cousins together, but boys are busy, so I didn't get that "perfect" pic.  But these all made me smile anyway!

Am I Lying to Myself?

I sometimes wonder if I'm just lying to myself about the "fact" that I do not want to be a stay-at-home-mom.  And on days like today, I'm pretty sure it's just this elaborate lie I've convinced myself is true in order to not have a mental breakdown.  Because if I'm being honest, today I wanted nothing more than to stay at home with my little guy.

I knew this would happen.  It always does after a vacation.  I've spent the last ten days with my guys.  I loved every minute with them.  We had so much fun and I got baby hugs and kisses all day long.  Lukas is in such a fun stage where everything is so interesting to him and he is constantly learning about the world. Am I missing this by being at work all day?  Am I going to look back and regret this?  I've told myself that its not the amount of time that we spend together, but that we make the most of the time we do spend together.  Quality over quantity.  But is this complete bullshit?  Am I just deluding myself into believing this lie?

It didn't help that on our trip we were with my nephew and my brother.  Lukas and Stuart were so sweet together and I was so happy seeing them play.  I was also sad because I know it's only a few times a year now that they'll be able to play together.  But it was time I wouldn't trade for anything in the world.

The happiness captured in this picture is how I want to always feel.  Sheer joy.  And you're not even seeing the joy that is in the face behind the camera.  You can be sure I had a huge smile on my face.

And this one.  The boys playing at the park together.  Wherever one went, the other was right behind.

 And the petting zoo - they both couldn't get enough of feeding the goat.  A memory I'll keep forever.

So I know part of my sadness this morning was not just about being apart from Lukas, it was also due to the  reality of being back home and away from family.  I cried the minute our car pulled out of the driveway at my aunt's house as I was waving to Brent and Stuart.  I'm tearing up now just thinking about them and our trip.  I wish we lived in the same city.  Perhaps one day we will again.

This morning was especially bad because Lukas wouldn't let go of me when we got to school.  He now does this thing where he curls up his legs and refuses to put his feet on the ground if I'm holding him and he doesn't want me to put him down.  He just clings on to my neck and starts crying.  I couldn't just leave him.  So I stayed for a while.  Eventually though, I knew I had to go. His teacher came over and held him while I left.  He was reaching out for me and screaming the entire time.  I cried.  It is one of the worst feelings as a mom - to see and hear your child cry out for you and still walk away.  It goes against every maternal instinct.  But I had to leave because I work, and this is what I've signed up for right now.  But it was terrible.  And I felt like a bad mom, yet again.  The feelings of guilt and questioning came rising up to the surface.

I made some quick comment to Keri, the school owner, as I was leaving about how hard it is to leave when your little man is begging you to stay.   She smiled and gave me an understanding look and encouraging word.  I left and drove to work in tears.  By the time I sat down at my desk and loaded my computer, I had an email from Keri waiting for me.  She wanted to let me know he was happy and already smiling rather than crying.  And she sent me this picture to prove it.

This is why I love Primrose and Keri and the whole crew there.  And so while I am questioning whether or not I'm a liar, I at least feel confident that Lukas is at a great place.  Even if he's not with his momma.  They care enough to make sure I know he is smiling after I leave.

Future Soccer Stars?

Mr. Cob and my brother have grand plans for Lukas and his cousin Stu to play on the US soccer team in the world cup in 2018.  If you want to be the best, you have to start early....

At Christmas, we'll take a video of Stu and Lukas kicking the soccer ball together!  Love my boys.

Learning to Parent

As I am just entering the world of parenthood I find myself observing other parents as they parent their children.  My hope as a parent is to just be the best parent I can be to Lukas and any future children Mr. Cob and I may be blessed with.  Lukas didn't come with an instruction manual, and as far as I know, no child does.  So as a parent you do what you think is best at the time.  You have to read your child and put their needs before your own and just have faith that you won't screw them up.  At least that is how I feel as I begin this parenting adventure.

In my 9.5 weeks as a parent, I've already questioned most things I've done.  Am I letting him swing in the lamb swing too often/too long?  (One parenting book I read says you should only let your baby in the swing for 30 minutes twice a day max.)  Am I feeding him often enough?  Am I feeding him too much?  Should I let him cry when I put him to bed or pick him up and rock him/feed him/sing to him until he falls asleep?  Is it OK to take him out in public when he's so little?  Should I let him use a pacifier?  Is it OK to have the TV when Lukas is awake?  What if he starts watching it?  Surely he's too little and the TV is bad for a baby, right?

These are the questions I'm constantly asking myself.  And I know that this is just the beginning of my journey parenting.  Lukas is a baby and in the end I believe that as long as his basic needs are met (being fed, changed, loved, cuddled, etc.) he will be just fine.  But as he grows, I'm sure my questions will grow with him.

This week I've been observing my older brother parent his two and a half year old son.  I've learned some "tricks" to help outsmart a toddler.  But mostly, I've seen that children really do just need to be loved and allowed to play.  My brother is an amazing father.  I've enjoyed watching him interact with his son and vice versa.  My nephew loves his dadda.  And dadda loves Stuie.  I can definitely learn some things about parenting from my big brother.  I'm lucky to have him in my life and have him a few steps ahead of me in this parenting game. 

Today, Stu is TWO!

Today our sweet nephew turns TWO years old!  It feels like yesterday that we were all at Piedmont Hospital awaiting his arrival.  I wish I could be with him to sing happy birthday and play today and I'm a little sad that I'm missing his birthday.  But I'm thinking about him and sending him lots of love!  Happy Birthday Stuart!  Auntie Ryry misses you and loves you very, very much!

Here's the latest picture my brother sent me from Cali -

And today is also my friend C's due date.  I wonder if her baby will share a birthday with Stu?!?!  I know she's ready to meet her little one, so here's to hoping the baby is ready to meet her today too!

Runners

If you may remember, last week I mentioned how my sweet 22 month old nephew went jogging with my dad and brother while we were on vacation.  Here are the pictures to prove it!  We might have ourselves a little runner on our hands...or more likely, a soccer player if his dad and uncle (and grandpa) have anything to say about it!

See, his dad already has him kicking the soccer ball!

STU

I have the cutest nephew on the face of the earth.  It was confirmed after spending a week at the beach with him this past week.  Every morning I would wake up, open the bedroom door, Wrigley and I would walk out, and Stuart would be holding his blankie, sucking his finger, smile at me and the dog and sort of sing "Hi Wrigley."  I've missed hearing this the past two mornings.  And I think Wrigs (as Stu started calling her) misses Stuart.  Stu was always throwing her the ball or her bone, or just laying on top of Wrigley as she tried to rest.  I think Wrigley loved the attention.  And I think Brent and Ana may have to get a dog once they're settled in Cali.

I also realized how silly this sweet kid is.  He loves to eat oatmeal and whenever he stays with grandma Sip-Sip they eat oatmeal every morning.  With raisins.  And Stu will tell you to put raisins in it if they aren't there.  Well we got out to the beach and Stu looked around at the sand and kept saying "Oatmeal" - we all kind of laughed and told him no, it's sand.  But as the week went on, every time we'd go to the beach he'd point to the sand and repeatedly say oatmeal, which just made everyone laugh outloud.  We finally realized he was being funny because everytime he said it, and we'd laugh and he'd sit there with this huge smile on his face. 

One of the cutest events of the week happened one morning as my dad (or "Up" as Stuart calls him) was about to go for a run.  Dad asked Stu, completely joking, if he wanted to go jogging with Up.  Well Stu said yes and kept repeating "jog with Up, jog with Up."  And he was serious.  So Brent put on his little shoes and the three of them went for a jog around the block.  Stu running with my dad and brother was such a cute sight to see!  Three generations going for a run...

I love this sweet little monkey!

Kids don't need real toys

They just need a silly uncle who ties shoelaces on their heads.

And who joins in the fun...

Mr. Cob is going to be a great daddy one day, because he sure is an awesome uncle!

Walk This Way

It's official, our nephew has started walking! In true Cesare style, he's a little ahead of the curve! He turns 10 months later this week and the average age when babies start walking is 13-15 months, and boys are usually later than girls (no shock there - just kidding!) So he is a super star, although we all already knew this! And he of course chose to start walking when his mamma and daddy were on their first vacation since he was born...coincidence, I think not. He had taken 2-3 steps before they left, but during the week they were gone he really took off, and I don't think there's any stopping him now!

He's such a cute little guy and his auntie and uncle are so proud of him! Go Stu!