Why Mommy, Why? - Need a Nanny Now!

Dear Why Mommy, I'm considering finding someone part time (1-2 days a week) to take a little of the burden off of my mom who will be watching my baby when I return to work next month. What process did you use to find your girl? What questions did you ask? And how did you decide on compensation?? Oh, do y'all have a signed contract?? No clue what I'm doing here! Thanks, New Mommy in Need of a Nanny

Oh New Mommy, I DO have some thoughts and tips!  Up until a few months ago my tip would've been: DON'T DO IT, FIND AN AWESOME DAYCARE INSTEAD!!  But I've changed my stance on nannies and am now Pro-Nanny given our current super-nanny!  The key, obviously, is finding the right nanny.  A bad nanny can make your life hellish, but a good nanny can ease so many of the stressors of being a working mom.

A little background on my nanny experience:  Both of my boys started at a private daycare/preschool at 12 weeks old. It had a hefty price tag but was amazing and worth every single penny. Then we moved and I couldn't find an open daycare spot for my youngest son, so we were forced to go the nanny-route. I used care.com and hired a 22 year old who was a mom herself. The first 4 days were OK but then it became apparent that she wasn't a good fit. A few examples: she was leaving the house messier than I'd left it in the morning (even though I was paying her extra to do light housework), Julian had a dirty diaper that clearly had been there for hours one night when I got home, she was getting ready for her other job while she was supposedly watching my kids (and by getting ready I mean, changing her clothes, curling her hair, doing makeup, etc.), and she just put cartoons on the TV after picking up Lukas even though her signed contract said the kids were not permitted to watch TV.  But the kicker and the reason I left work one day to fire her was because she hated going outside and gave me HUGE attitude when I told her that it was a requirement. She also couldn't handle a 3 year old talking back to her.  Hello, he's 3. Anyway, she got the boot and we lucked in to hiring our current nanny who is the little sister of my neighbor's best friend.  And she is A.MAZING.

So, the best advice I can give after our first nanny failure, is to try to find someone through someone you know.  Easiest way to go about this is to use facebook. Maybe even tag a few people in your post so it goes up on their wall.  Say what you're looking for (part time nanny for an infant) and that any leads would be helpful.  Are you ok doing a nanny share?  Could put that in the same post - Need a nanny or nanny share a few days a week for my sweet boy. You may be surprised what you get back.  

Also, anytime you see someone, mention that you need a nanny.  Seriously.  This is how I ended up with Super Nanny.  I was at lunch with her sister (who I'd never met) and my across the street neighbor (who I barely knew) and I mentioned I was going back to work in a week and was nervous about the nanny I'd hired.  A few hours later, my neighbor texted me with Super Nanny's info and said to give her a call - I wish I'd done it that day instead of 2 weeks later after showing Bad Nanny the door!  But my point: you never know who knows someone who needs work.

Does your neighborhood have a facebook page or email chain - post a message to any local social media groups you belong to and maybe you'll get a name or two.   And then what about through your church?  I would try to find recommendations through people you know first.  I didn't feel as strongly about this until our failed nanny attempt through care.com.  But now I do.  It was truly an awful feeling not fully trusting someone in my house with Julian.  

Where you Greek in college? Another avenue would be to see if any of the local collages have your sorority on campus.  You can contact the house and see if one of the girls is only having class a few days a week and looking for work the other days - I have a friend who has done this and it's worked out well.  Those girls have energy that the rest of us don't!  On the same lines, try those same universities to see if their early childhood education departments have listserves or even names of people looking for work.  A lot of those masters programs are at night so people are looking for daytime work and if they're trying to get a degree in early childhood education, odds are they love kids.

If those aren't productive, I would look into a nanny agency which is different from care.com.  The issue I have with care.com is that they do not vet the applicants AT.ALL.  Anyone, can sign up.  It's on you to do a background check (which we did), but just because someone doesn't have a criminal record does not mean everything they've told you about their experience and ability to take care of a child is true.  A nanny agency, from what I hear, can be pricey but I think it is worth the money.

Once you get a couple of names/numbers, I'd call the people (don't text), you'll have a better chance of getting somewhere and there may be a few people who you talk to on the phone and don't even want to meet in person.  GO WITH YOUR GUT.  If someone feels off, then you will never feel comfortable with them.  Chat just a bit the initial convo, set up a time to meet in your house - have a list of questions (I'll come up with some example questions in a follow-up post as this post is quite lengthy already).  I'd not have the baby around for this initial meeting, but that's up to you.  You want to get a feel for them before handing them your baby.  But this is probably a bigger deal if the person is totally random to you and not a friend of a friend.  Ask for their certifications (CPR, first aid) and a resume or at least a list of references.  CALL THE REFERENCES.  (I did not do this. It was a mistake.)  If they are a friend of a friend, then the references aren't necessarily necessary.  Meet with a few different people if possible.  You may be surprised that you prefer an older grandmother type over a young energetic chick.  And then you want to see how they are with your little one.  One suggestion, when you think you've picked your person, is to have them come over for half a day and watch the baby with you there.

We did have a nanny contract that we found through care.com. I think Google can help you with a few ideas.  You also need to keep in mind that you have to withhold taxes or pay the gov't taxes on what you pay the nanny during tax season.  As far as compensation - care.com tells you average nanny prices in your area.  I think anywhere from $10-15 per hour is average for one child, but that can vary widely depending on where you live. 

Stay tuned for a list of questions to ask potential nannies - and GOOD LUCK!

xo,

Why Mommy

Do you have a question for Why Mommy?  It doesn't have to be kid-related, I'm happy to talk about anything...  Send me an email at thenestingswans@gmail.com and let's figure it out!!!

Why Mommy, Why? - Potty Mouthed Preschooler

Dear Why Mommy,

I have a lovely preschool aged son. He is a good kid, as far as 4 year olds go. He even has a little brother who he has yet to try to push down the stairs (he has perhaps fed him the cat's food, but it's full of protein, so we decided to let that one go and his little brother is a biter, so some cat food is mild as far as retaliation goes). Anyway, back to my problem. So this seemingly cute, nice, normal child has picked up some foul language at school.  Not foul in the f*ck, sh*t, c*nt four letter word way (although come to think of it he did yell SH*T the other night while playing a game with his parents and grandparents. And he's yelled f*ck a time or two. It's possible he was mimicking his father, certainly not his mother). Instead, he comes home from school singing these ridiculous songs about pee and poop and killing the bad guys. I feel like every other word out of his mouth is poop or some derivative thereof. What gives?  Is this just what little boys do? Should I be concerned? Do I ignore these sing-songy poop-filled songs or reprimand him?

Thanks for your help,

Mommy of a Preschool Pottymouth

Oh Mommy of a Preschool Pottymouth, welcome to my world.  And the life of boys. They love all things poop, pee, and penises (what's up with all the Ps?). Seriously though, I could have written this question myself because my 4 year old sings poop songs every day.  Sometime around Thanksgiving he came home singing a new little ditty that he learned at school from another 4 year old boy who just so happens to have an older brother. It's always the kid with the older brother. (So enjoy that, since you too have a younger son who will be the one teaching all his little friends at preschool poop songs soon enough- it's the cycle of life! Yay!). 

Anyway, so his song goes like this:  "THIS IS HOW I POOP ON THE POTTY, PLLLLLMMMMPP!" And at the end, as he's making the fart noise, he squats down as though he is actually pooping and makes this funny face.  I really wish I had it on video because it is equally horrific and hysterical. And the worst part about his little song is that his little brother LOVES it.  As in, he thinks it is the funniest thing in the world and will start laughing and laughing like I've never heard him laugh before, which just encourages Lukas to sing the song on repeat.  Which only makes his brother laugh more, which in turn makes me laugh and eventually we're all in a fit of laughter and there's no possible way I can tell him to stop.  And then the stupid song gets stuck in MY head and I find myself humming the song.  So yea, we're all about poop songs in my house.

This is one of those parenting times that you are unprepared for - your gut is telling you that you should probably be stopping the behavior and telling your child no, but you can't because you can't stop laughing.  Just try keeping a stern, unaffected face as someone does something genuinely funny right in front of you.  It is near impossible to keep the giggles down.  I simply can't do it.  So at this point, I've stopped trying.  We let the poop songs ring loudly throughout the walls of our house.  And as the book goes, Everybody Poops, so no big deal, right?

This would all be well and good if we never left the house, but we do.  And a 4 year old who loves making his brother laugh does not understand why the middle of the grocery store at 2pm on a Sunday is not the best time or place to sing about poop. So you'll find me shushing him (while giggling between shushes, which is really quite ineffective) out in public when he starts singing THIS IS HOW I POOP ON THE POTTY, PLLMP!  I try to explain that we don't sing about poop in public, but I don't have a really good reason so usually he ends up singing until I can distract him, unless I'm in an ornery mood and he gets the hint from my "not now" half eye roll look.  (But I consider those my bad parenting days, so don't follow that example). 

So yea, little boys love talking about poop and singing about it too.  I say just roll with it because the more negative attention you give to something your child is doing, the MORE he will want to do it.  Little f*ckers are smart.  

And just remember you're not alone - I'd say most moms of preschool boys are living with little preschool pottymouths.  It's part of the joy of being a boy mom!

xoxo,

Why, Mommy (of a Preschool Pottymouth, too)

New Series: Why Mommy, Why?

In the past I've tried a few series on the blog.  Most notably I had my Toddler Tips Tuesdays series where I wrote about Toddler stuff one day every week.  I enjoyed having a theme and a weekly writing "deadline".  So I've decided to start up a new weekly series.  And until I can come up with a better title, it's going to be called "Why Mommy, Why?"

But I'm going to need your help for this to work out, because my idea is for a series where YOU ask me a question and I give you my advice or tips or thoughts on whatever subject you ask about.  I'm totally not qualified to give any sound advice, but I love a good rant or giving my two cents on a topic.  So lets give it a whirl, shall we?

Perhaps you're a new mom and are having trouble dressing your postpartum body and wondering what the hell you're going to wear when you go back to work.  Maybe you hate your job and are thinking about going to law school to become a lawyer and are wondering if it's a good idea. [Spoiler alert: no.]  Or maybe you are pregnant and just need a sounding board to vent your fears and frustrations. Or your child has asked you a question that you just don't know how to answer.  Really, WHATEVER (it does NOT have to be child related)!  I'm game to talk about anything.

So, email me your questions at thenestingswans@gmail.com (I'll keep your identity secret) or leave a comment with your question and let's have some fun!

First question and answer is going up tomorrow so check back soon!  Also, if you have a better name for the series, I'm open to suggestions....