An Ideal Birth?

Childbirth has become a common topic of conversation for me. For one, I’m pregnant. But I also have a few friends who are pregnant (one due next week, and another two weeks later, and we were all three at dinner together last night). I think I’ve gone into this whole pregnancy “thing” with a pretty open mind and low-to-no expectations for how everything would go. So far, I’ve had a completely different pregnancy than I thought I would. I feared that I would be severely sick with morning sickness, and yet I haven’t had any. I feared my energy levels would be so drained that I’d be a couch potato for 9 months, but so far I’m working out a few days a week and still working my 9-5+ job. So you could say I’ve had an easy pregnancy.

And when it comes to the actual labor and delivery, I have zero expectations.  Many fears, but zero expectations. I will deliver in a hospital, with an OB. Aside from that, I’m just going to see how things go. I’m going to attempt to go for a natural childbirth, but I’m not unrealistic. I have an extremely low threshold for pain, so this natural childbirth idea might be immediately thrown out the window at the first sign of contractions. I am taking a HypnoBirthing class, in hopes that I can approach labor without fear (as of right now I have a lot of fear surrounding the actual labor and delivery part). I know HypnoBirthing teaches you how to get through labor naturally, but I’m still not going into the process with this idea that I will be a failure, or any less of a woman for deciding to get pain reduction medication.

However, I have another friend who has very strong views about childbirth and how it is going to go, and she’s all but said that she’ll feel like she’s failed if she can’t have the type of birth she wants. It can be difficult to talk to her about labor/delivery because her views are so strong that they run contrary to some of the things I feel and our talks often make me feel like she’s judging my thoughts and views on the subject. So today, when I ran across an article on The Motherlode about “The Idealized Birth”, it really hit home.  The article discusses whether or not there is such a thing as an ideal birth, or should the mother just be content with a healthy baby.  I started reading through the comments and found one in particular to be interesting. My friend made the comment at dinner last night that you shouldn’t be afraid of childbirth because women everywhere, and even tribal women, have successful, natural births all the time. But according to this particular comment (from an OB/GYN), that’s not exactly true. I have no idea if this comment is accurate, but it makes me question my friend’s comment and feel more confident in my open-minded approach.

I could not agree more that the point is "not to have a 'birth' but a baby." As an ob/gyn, it is frustrating to see women become so mired in the idea that it "should be natural." Why should it be natural? In "nature," childbirth leads to 50% mortality in mothers, usually from postpartum hemorrhage. In "nature," where women do not have access to ORs and cesarean sections, labor continues on until fetal demise occurs and the macerated (soft & mushy) fetal head can deliver, usually leaving behind a traumatized pelvis and future fistulas (a decidedly unnatural connection between the vagina and the bladder or rectum allowing uncontrolled drainage of urine and stool out the vagina). This is actually quite commonplace in parts of Africa. There are entire Fistula Hospitals and Fistula Foundations for this problem alone, let alone the other complications of pregnancy. (Please see Nicholas Kristof's op ed piece from 2009 for more information - http://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/01/opinion/01kristof.html). Why put your baby and yourself at risk to satisfy some notion that "it should be natural?"

I just thought it was an interesting read and an interesting comment.  I'm all for women's empowerment and women having the choice to have whatever type of labor they choose.  I'd just like people to not judge someone else for choosing a different birth plan/method than their own.