The Truth (Continued)

The past few days haven't been much easier than last week and my emotional roller coaster continues.  My face is breaking out again, so perhaps my hormones have gotten all out of whack again.  Or perhaps its just this pregnancy thing in general.

It's hard to describe exactly what I'm feeling and how I'm feeling.  I keep saying to Mr. Cob that I feel like a crazy person.  And I definitely do not feel like "myself."  I go from extremely excited about Lukas to sobbing and feeling helpless and alone in a heartbeat.  And there is usually nothing to tip off this extreme swing in mood.  Hence, my feelings of craziness.

I'm trying my best to not let it get to me, but its hard.  I feel like my life is changing very quickly and before I know it, I'm not going to be me anymore.  Which in many ways is true. 

I'm also feeling extremely overwhelmed.  I feel like there are a million things to do in the next few months and I just don't know how they're all going to get done.  In my head I know we are making progress and will get everything finished in time, but its still a weight that I can't lift right now.  But as my good friend said to me yesterday, all I really need for Lukas' arrival is a crib and some diapers, and I already have that.  So everything else I accomplish beyond that is just a bonus.  I like her way of thinking.

I really just need to take a step back and relax.  The truth is that I get this way before any big life event.  Three years ago I was going through something very similar when I was studying for and getting ready to take the bar exam.  I felt hopeless and miserable - a feeling I often felt before all exams during law school.  I also became extremely overwhelmed and crazy before our wedding and the move into our house.  It's my way of dealing with stress and change.  Perhaps its not the healthiest way of coping, but I've always soldiered through.  And I know this will be no different. 

And in an effort to calm down, I scheduled a pregnancy massage for this evening, and I'm so looking forward to it.  I also had a mini glass of red wine last night (with the doctor's OK), and savored the taste and let all my worries out the window for a while.  I think I need to take some deep breathes and put everything in perspective and realize that it's OK to feel all these emotions, I just can't let them consume me.