Making Friends

One of the hardest parts about moving is making new friends. It is worse if you're leaving behind strong friendships in your old town, which I recently did when we left Atlanta for Macon. My best friend from law school/maid of honor in my wedding was pregnant with her first child when I left. My trio of best mom friends have been a lifesaver when this mom thing gets to be too much at times. And my work friends were the reason I liked going to work every day. These, and many other friends, were hard to say goodbye to.

Add to the fact that I was moving to a much smaller town where I really knew nobody, and was afraid everyone here had known each other since grade school.  I was worried I'd be lonely and never go out for girls night again. (A bit dramatic? Perhaps). I knew that I would have to actually put myself out there in order to build a support system here and meet new people.  And making friends is akin to dating - so while you're not going to meet Prince Charming sitting on your couch in sweat pants, you're also not going to make any new friends huddled up in your house.

So I've started getting out there, which is difficult for me, especially with the whole panic attack thing.  And contrary to what many might think, I'm actually very shy when I'm first meeting someone. Once we've established that you don't think I'm crazy, I'm a devoted friend who often times can't keep my mouth shut.  But I have trouble opening the door and walking outside. But I'm doing it, even if my husband has to give me a little push. I hesitate before going somewhere but usually enjoy myself once I'm there.

But getting out the door is only one part of the equation. The other is engaging with people when you are out and about (shocking, I know). I've realize that all too often I go where I'm headed, do what I need to do and then leave. But there is so much missed opportunity in just being somewhere. You have to put your phone away and interact with the people around you!

I've met some awesome ladies by putting my fear aside and saying hello...

So far I've made a new friend here by staying after a nutrition talk at my sons' school and chatting with the nutritionist. (Bonus: she's now my nutritionist and I feel amazing since I've started seeing her)!

By lingering at music class and chatting with other moms and the instructor I've met new friends. And the instructor happens to be a doula who I've already decided we'll sign up with for not-yet-conceived baby #3's birth.

My neighbors have turned out to be fantastic and I feel so lucky we moved into this neighborhood and have friends living next door. As I've written about before, I found our fantastic nanny by going out to lunch with one of our neighbors even though I was terrified to go.

And my weirdest place for meeting a friend here has been in the food aisle at Tuesday Morning (and she thankfully has already cured my lack of girls nights out, even after I had a panic attack during our first night out to dinner together - good friend material right there!)

I've also taken the extra step of seeking out the contact info for the boys' school friends' parents and sending out an email with my contact information and asking if they'd like to get together for a play-date. (And apologizing to the one mother for confusing anthropology with paleontology...twice.)

It can be scary to get out of your comfort zone, especially when you're reaching out directly to someone new. The fear of rejection is real! But even though not everyone you meet will be a friend for life, you won't know unless you say hi and ask them on a friend date.