Lukas turns three in one week. And I haven't done a thing. I haven't bought him a present. I haven't planned a party. To be honest, there will be no party. I'm feeling very guilty about it. I feel like a bad mom. A failure. I see all these pinterest birthday party boards my friends have in plans for elaborate parties for their children and I simply can't get it together to even invite a few friends and their kids over for cupcakes.
We have a lot going on, it's true. We're listing our house to sell next week. We're on the hunt for a new car after the husband's car was totaled two weeks ago in a hit and run accident. I'm back to work full time and Julian is still waking up an average of three times a night. I've been on the verge of tears most days the past few weeks, and wound up crying on more than one occasion. It all just feels like "too much" right now. And the fact that the thing to go is my son's birthday party makes me feel awful.
It's mom guilt at its worst. I know I should let it go and that Lukas will not care or even notice that an extravagant party is not had. He'll be psyched about cupcakes, my parents coming over to celebrate and opening presents. And I'll send cupcakes and stickers to school so he can celebrate with his school friends. But it's hard not comparing to what these other moms are doing. Facebook and Pinterest display their thoughtful ideas and it just feels like I can't keep up.
I know it's not a contest. There's not a trophy for best mom. And I know that throwing a party does not a good mom equal. But I still can't let it go.
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