Off Limit Questions

If you follow me on twitter (@nestingswan) then you already know about this.  But seeing as how none of my real life friends are on twitter then you probably don't know about my day yesterday.

This post sort of goes against my "don't write about work" policy, but I can't not write about this.  I need to write it in order to get over it.  Otherwise I might need therapy.  Never mind, I probably need therapy regardless of yesterday's event.  Ok, I definitely need therapy.  But that's beside the point.

And yes, this really happened.

The setting: my office break room.  I was minding my own business heating up a sweet potato for a snack.  In walks a female coworker and so begins the train wreck.

fc:  Hi, how are you?

me: GREAT, HOW ARE YOU?

fc: [Looks me up and down] and then proclaims, "Oh, you're pregnant, aren't you!?"

me: [PICKING JAW OFF FLOOR]  "NO, DEFINITELY NOT.  100% NOT."

FP: Oh, really? 

me: Nope.  Really. 

[STUNNED SILENCE FROM BOTH]

fc: [no sorry, no apology whatsoever for totally saying the one thing you are never supposed to say to a woman unless you are 125% sure she is in fact with child]  Well you only have one child, right?  Perhaps you're pregnant and don't even know it.

me:  NOPE.  DEFINITELY SURE I AM NOT PREGNANT.

fc: Hum.  Well.....trails off and never picks up on the fact that i am about to burst into tears...and then she says "Well, gee, I swear someone told me you were pregnant." 

End horrible scene.

So either (a) I'm looking fat and pregnant or (b) someone at my office has decided to spread rumors that I am pregnant.  Either option sucks.

Moral of the story, as if you did not already know this: never, ever, ask someone if they are pregnant unless they have just shown you an ultrasound picture and said "look at my baby!"  And even then, perhaps don't mention it, just to be safe.

My friends and husband have assured me that I do not look pregnant.  Regardless, I'm still burning the dress I wore yesterday.  I can't risk having another interaction like that.  It might push me to develop an eating disorder.  And I love food way too much for that.