When Did This Happen?

As I walked passed the Crate & Barrel storefront I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the store window and had to do a double take.  Who was this woman in a dress and high heels pushing a baby in a stroller?  I recognized the dress and high heels part; my everyday outfit pre-baby.  But the stroller and baby part made me stop in my tracks.  I had one of those "when did this happen" moments? 

It feels like yesterday that I was a college student living in the sorority house juggling drinking and studying, nary a care in the world.  A lot has changed since then and I'm not that same woman anymore.  She's definitely a part of my life and has shaped me into the person I am today, but thankfully, she and I are no longer the same person.

Somewhere along the way I grew up.  I suppose at some point we all do.

I can't pinpoint an exact time when this happened.  It's been gradual and the icing on the cake was probably having a baby.  The day Lukas was born was the day I stopped being selfish and putting myself before everything else.  He had to come first.  And I've learned a lot about myself and changed a lot since he was born.

I'm no longer timid about speaking my mind, especially when it comes to my son.  Before Lukas, if I was concerned about a situation or feeling like something was off, my typical reaction was to just let it slide.  Someone else would take care of it, I'd rationalize.  I didn't want to be the source of trouble.  But in the past two months, I've found myself picking up the phone to call Lukas' school and express my concerns about one situation and walking into to the administrator's office to speak directly about another.  Two things I would have gotten extremely nervous about before.  But now I didn't hesitate at all, even though Mr. Cob at first was concerned that I was becoming "that parent".  It is my responsibility to protect Lukas and speak up for him, since he cannot.  That is my job as his mother.

I have also found that I'm not quite as narcissistic or self conscious since becoming a mother.  I'm that person who always look at myself in anything resembling a mirror.  It's a bad habit I picked up along the way.  I generally care about how I look and try to present myself as nicely as possible in public.  But I also used to really care about the number on the scale and feel somewhat self conscious in a bathing suit.  While I still tend check myself out in windows, elevator doors and picture frame glass, I don't have such a critical eye anymore.  I definitely don't have the same toned body I once did, but when we go to the pool now, while I don't sport my tiny bikini, I do wear my tankini proudly and not give a second thought to the size of my thighs.  I figure I have this adorable, healthy little boy that people are looking at instead of me anyway.  I'm also proud and amazed at what my body has done in the past year.  So while I do still want to tone up and lose a few more pounds, I'm at a place where I'm totally happy with my body.

Life also seems much more precious now.  It's not worth fretting over whether all the dishes are in the sink or the weeds are all pulled.  Or whether we have the latest gadgets or cars.  There will always be someone with a bigger house, a nice car and fancier shoes.  We may not eat at the hippest restaurants or go out to the newest bars, but I wouldn't trade my current state of home life and my amazing family for anything in the world. 

I'm not sure exactly when I became this woman, sometime between saying I do and rocking my baby boy to sleep, but I like her and am happy she's here.