What I bring to the table…

Cob, here. So last weekend, Mrs. Cob and I went to a birthday party at a place called Dip and Dab. Here is the set up. BYOB, BYOF. They supply you with paint, canvas, and a teacher lady who shows you how to paint a picture that is at the front of the room. Grab the big pointy brush, use some green and make some trees. DRINK. Now here’s a river, use some blue on this one. DRINK.

At this point it was apparent that I suck at painting. I had already screwed up my skyline and river so I thought I could cover the mistake by painting a man’s face over it. You know have the forest scene in the background. Crap, his head is too large… ah Crap, that chin is too wide… let’s cover it with a beard. Hm, ok now a mouth… shit, no red paint. So, Blue lips? … yeah its cold out there, hypothermia. Ultimately, I painted a hobo dying of hypothermia down by the river.

Suffice to say, art is not my thing. In fact, the incident with the drunken hobo and his frigid, frigid death is just the tip of the iceberg (pun absolutely intended – sorry). I have been to museums, the Louvre even, and I just don’t get it. For example, at the art museum by millennium park in Chicago (can’t even remember the name) they have a room filled with medieval weaponry. They also have what I am told are many great pieces of sculpture and painting. But all I do is look at the swords. Look, I know it is simplistic, but I like paintings that look like the thing they are depicting. “Hey that is exactly what that is supposed to look like.” Yeah… it is shameful. And here’s the problem, Lukas will be looking up to me to teach him things and when it comes to art, Daddy is a Neanderthal.

Part of raising a child is teaching them what you know and what you love, and hoping they like at least some of it so you have something to talk about when you are 70 and are too old learn the new stuff “them kids are into.” What is embarrassing about what I bring to the table is that while it is a ton of fun, it is ultimately useless. For example, being a Cubs fan is pointless. It has been for at least 103 years and there is no end to that futility in sight.

But let’s, for the sake of this blog, imagine Lukas grows to love, er obsess, over the things I do. Being obsessed with Mr. Show, Saturday Night Live, Monty Python, the State, Patton Oswalt, the Sklars, Star Wars (movies and novels), J.R.R. Tolkein, Marvel Comics, Weezer, the Beatles, Seinfeld, Role playing games, board games, video games, Judd Apatow Movies, and beer brewing involves a set of skills that are really only useful in pub trivia. Don’t get me wrong, I do know a lot of things, which my wife tells l me are helpful, and I follow directions well (can follow the shit out of a recipe or flow chart). Also, I know how to make people laugh without taking my pants off, which is a pretty useful skill (this is not to say that I don’t also make people laugh by taking my pants off, but I digress). Its things like art, ballet, theatre, and literature other than science fiction that are things that I wish I knew more about, or even understood, such that I would also help Lukas learn and enjoy them. After all, kids tend to mirror their parents, so if he doesn’t learn to appreciate these things from me, then from who? Well there is Mrs. Cob isn’t there? Great, problem solved. Looks like it is up to you to bring some sophistication into this little boy’s life.

Good luck, my love.