Hormonal or Just Emotional?

[Disclaimer to B&A (and mom, who should probably just not read this) - I know you guys read these posts, so please know this post isn't meant to make this highly emotional time more difficult.  I just thought it might help me to write about my feelings, which all come from deep rooted love.]

I've been having a rough couple of days.  Everything with the pregnancy is just fine and Baby boy Swan is great.  I've just been an emotional wreck since about Tuesday. 

Two weeks from this past Tuesday (so 11 days from today), my brother, sister-in-law and nephew will board a plane and officially move to California.  I've known about the move for almost four months now, but the reality is now really sinking in.  Up until this week it has been this thing that will happen in the future.  This thing that I just kept avoiding.  But the future is here.  This thing is real.  And I can't stop crying.

Earlier this week I emailed A and B and asked if I could watch my nephew one last time before the move.  We've had weekly Wednesday night babysitting dates for about the past six months, and I wanted one more special night with him.  So Wednesday they dropped him off and we played.  We played the piano.  He played with Wrigs and gave her big hugs and love.  He played his game of hiding in Wrigley's crate.  We ate dinner.  We gave the doggy treats.  We sang songs and counted to ten.  We danced.  I answered his new favorite question ("What's this Ryry") about 100 times.  And we cuddled.  Lots of hugs.  I couldn't bring myself to make him go to sleep, I just wanted to spend that time with him.  So he was still wide awake at 9:50pm when his daddy came to pick him up.  I figure aunties are allowed to spoil their nephews and keep them up way past their bedtime.

Last night B and A's friends threw them a going away party.  All week I was kind of dreading the party.  I know this move is something to celebrate, as they are following their hearts and career-wise, its a better place for my brother.  Still, it's hard to celebrate when you are feeling such sadness.  So I waited for Mr. Cob to get home from work and we went over to the party.  I was fine the whole ride over.  Quiet, but fine.  And my brother was at the door when we arrived and I was fine.  I hugged him and chatted for a minute.   I was fine.  But then as I walked into the main room and A came over to hug me, I just lost it and started to bawl.  It was something about the mix of joy and sorrow in her eyes, and the hug itself.  And I had to leave.  I was not fine.  So Mr. Cob took me home and did his best to cheer me up.  I really thought I could handle the party.  Clearly, I was wrong.

All last night and this morning I keep randomly bursting into tears.  I know that I'll talk to them on a regular basis and see them as much as possible, but it just won't be the same as having them live down the street.  I worry that Stu won't remember his Auntie Ryry.  He's not even 2 yet.  I'm sad that B and A won't get to know my son the way I've gotten to know theirs.  I'm sad our boys won't grow up "together."

I know that I need to make the most of the time I do have with them.  So we'll be spending a lot of time together this weekend.  And hopefully the tears will have dried up.

I've moved so much in my life and said so many good byes that I thought this one wouldn't be this difficult.  But it is.  And that's ok. 

It just makes me think about what is important in life.  And how lucky I am to have such a special family who I feel so strongly about.  I've been blessed to have them live near me for so many years.  And the one thing I have learned, is that you never know what the future holds, or where it will bring you.