Blog On

I don't usually give much thought to these blog posts before writing them. They just sort of happen. And most of the time I have no idea if anyone is reading. Or if whoever is reading is finding something helpful in my words. I write for me. It's cathartic to get it out on paper. Whatever the current "it" may be in my life.  But this week I've had three different people tell me they enjoy my posts and the honesty in them.  I love hearing this. I love knowing my lack of filter is good in some people's minds.

I hate when I can't write about things going on in my life.  Work is the main one. I really wish I could put it all out there and then maybe I'd be in a better state of mind about the whole thing. Because truth be told, I'm in a lawyering funk right now.  Some might argue I've been in a lawyering funk since September of 2007 when I first started practicing.  But this feels different. This feels deeper. And I'm having a hard time digging out from the funk. I simply don't enjoy it right now. I don't know why that is and shouldn't get in to the various factors in a public forum.  But being in a work funk is hard because it tends to permeate into the rest of your life and I am trying to prevent that from happening. I think I'm doing a decent job, but perhaps you should ask my husband.

He on the other hand, loves his job. Thank goodness.

Lukas and Julian are almost done with school for the summer and since I'm working full time they won't be with me.  They'll be with their nanny for a full week, morning camp for three weeks and then with our nanny those afternoons.  Then they'll be with her again for a week and their last week of summer we're going on vacation.  I wish I could spend the summer with them. This working mom thing hits me at the strangest times. Some days I'm content with the setup and then others I'm depressed that I'm not their primary caregiver during the day. Today I'm sitting in the latter camp. At least I get off work at 4:30 and spend more time in the afternoons with them now than I did when we were in Atlanta.

And in totally unrelated news, my panic attacks have stopped. At least for the moment.  I've stopped drinking after realizing most of my attacks occurred after I've had one drink (or more). I'm not sure they're related, but for the time being I'm experimenting with a lack of drinking alcohol. So far it seems to be working, which is both great and annoying. I like my wine, always have and always had planned to. But I dislike panic attacks more it would seem.  I'm wondering if it's the sugar reacting in my body?  We'll see.  So don't count on me for any inappropriate drunken shenanigans anytime soon!