Maybe Babies do Self-Wean

Julian turned 9 months a week or so ago.  At his 9 month checkup my suspicions were confirmed: he's a tiny little thing.  He's only in the 3rd percentile for weight (16.64 pounds) but 75th for height.  He's tall and skinny (he certainly doesn't get that from me!)   The doctor isn't concerned about his weight because he's continuing to grow on the same curve, but it's a little unsettling as his momma to hear he's so teeny!!!  More on that later.

Julian has 4 teeth (no new ones in a month), but he seems to be teething again.  I'm thinking the other top middle tooth is about to emerge.  Thankfully he doesn't seem too distressed about the teeth coming in - he's really an all around easy-going baby. 

 

Last night was the third night in a row that he slept all night, so I'm hoping we're on to something.  I am really ready for consistently full nights of sleep myself and I know he needs the sleep as well.  He and Lukas are still sharing a room even though we're at my parents' house - we thought about separating them, and have plenty of room to do so, but Lukas seems to like his brother in the room and they don't wake each other up so we're going to roll with it for now.  J has two lovies he sleeps with - a lion and a little bear and has totally stopped taking a pacifier (the first picture above is actually a teether!)



 

J is such a sweet little guy - and so happy. He lights up when his daddy walks in the room and adores his big brother.  His arms and legs start flailing when he sees either of them and he grins from ear to ear!

He's crawling and cruising around furniture and has just started standing without holding on to anything.  He can stand for about 5 seconds before realizing he's not attached to anything at which point he gets scared and falls down or reaches to steady himself.  I think he'll start walking any day now! 

He's eating any and everything and has a big appetite!  Last night for dinner he ate an slice of quiche and a cup of yogurt!  If you are eating around him, he'll make it known that he expects you to share!

The biggest news with J is that as of this week he's no longer nursing, which has been a hard decision for me but an easy one for him.  Julian has never been a big fan of nursing - he never comfort nursed and he refused to nurse unless he was really hungry.  For the past month or so he's been consistently less and less interested.  I would try to nurse him and he would stop after only a minute or two and push away from me.  He was done.  But I kept thinking it was too soon.  Everything you read says that babies do not self wean before a year. I nursed Lukas until he was 19 MONTHS!  So stopping at 9 months with Julian was not the plan.  But as I am continuing to learn, even though the boys look like twins, they are two very different children.  And I'm also having to remind myself that I'm not a bad mommy for doing things one way with Lukas and another way with Julian.  (Of course you knew there would be guilt, there is always guilt....).

So what was the final straw that pushed me over the edge?  This past weekend J woke up from a nap and I nursed him, a good 4-5 minutes which is actually long for him these days.  Afterwards I was holding him while I sorted empty bottles for daycare the next day and J started going nuts.  He was flailing his arms and reaching for the bottle, clearly wanting it.  So I filled it up with 6 ounces of formula to see if he'd drink it.  He did.  Plus 2 more ounces.  The kid was hungry.  Apparently he wasn't getting what he needed from me even when he was nursing.  So after some more guilt over the fact that my milk may not have been adequate for him (remember how tiny he is?  is that my fault?!?), I made the decision to listen to my little guy and stop nursing him.  Tuesday morning I nursed him for less than one minute before he pushed me away and I thought that'd be the last time.  He didn't ask to nurse or paw at my shirt the next two days, but he rarely ever had in the last 9 months - he just wasn't a big fan of the whole thing.  I think he is just too busy to stop and nurse in a dark room with his momma.  And don't even get me started on trying to nurse him under a nursing cover!  He'd rather drink a bottle in the kitchen and watch his big brother play.  Damn social second kids!

Last night I was giving him a bottle before bed and he was falling asleep as he drank.  He stopped taking the bottle and curled up on my chest with his eyes fluttering.  I convinced myself that he was asking to nurse (he wasn't), so for one last time, sitting in the white wicker chair with the purple cushion in the guest room of my parents house, I nursed him and drank in the sight and smell of my baby boy who is growing up much too quickly for my liking.  I have tears in my eyes now as I write that.  Nursing is such an emotional experience for me and I'm a bit heartbroken to be stopping, but I know he's ready.  I don't care what any La Leche follower says.  My boy was done, and as a result, so am I.  Now I just hold on to hope that my hormones don't come crashing down around me in a sea of post-weaning depression.