The blog has been very baby-centric lately, I know. It's annoying me too. But it's a very easy topic to talk about. Tuesdays I post a picture of the new belly and Fridays I fill out the weekly survey about pregnancy #2's progression. And ocasionally I've been throwing in some posts about Lukas, who is currently a very chatty terrible (yet oh so loveable) two. I also have a post swimming in my brain about the process Mr. Cob and I go through in picking a name (no, we haven't picked one yet, but oh do we have a process).
Babies and pregnancies are easy for me. Writing about the other stuff is harder to do these days. Not because life is bad or anything has "happened". But because life is happening.
Mr. Cob and I are in talks on some big things. We're trying to figure out what things are best for our family, for our marriage, for our future. These are not easy things. They also involve a topic I don't write about on the blog, which makes it all the more difficult to talk about. As baby #2 gets closer I find myself reexamining my role as a working mom. But the fact remains that my income is a difficult thing to give up and something we're still not in a financial position to do without. It is also hard to make career decisions when both spouses work - my job and any change affects Mr. Cob and vice versa. I know it will work out and we'll make the right decisions, it just feels like we're a long way away from making them and there is yet again no handbook on these things.
There are also other big personal things going on with some people very dear to me. Things that are not for me to talk about. But they again remind me that while email, facebook and the telephone are wonderful tools for keeping in touch, they are second to living in the same place with someone and actually being able to physically be present with another person. I hate that some of my favorite people live so far away.
Lately I also feel the pull to explore my spirituality. Last night I was searching amazon for books on the topic and never settled on anything. I was drawn to the books on Buddhism and creating your own happiness even though I set out with the intention of finding something on women and building a relationship with God/Jesus. But nothing jumped out at me, so I decided to just go to sleep. This is the one new years resolution I haven't kept yet and I'd like to get back to it. I'm just not sure where to start. I don't know if I'm looking for something to bring me closer to Christianity or something completely different that reinforces the thoughts I already have about a higher being and love being the ultimate truth in life.
I just feel very adult these days. I know that sounds silly, but it's how I feel. But for once, while everything seems to be in a state of flux, I feel content. I'm not freaking out about what will happen. I'm not worried. I'm not having a hard time putting one foot in front of the other. I'm actually feeling very happy and excited for any potential changes that may come. I realized the other day that while I resisted moving every few years growing up, perhaps I miss it. And there mere thought of a shift in the status quo is getting my heart pumping. Which I suppose is a really good thing because even if we don't change anything in our life as it currently stands, in a little over 4 months our lives will change with the arrival of baby #2. So whatever happens, I feel like I'm in the right frame of mind.
And it's sort of fun not knowing what's ahead. Although, I think my husband would disagree with me on that one. I've tried to tell him to live by Nanama's rule: Worry if it helps. And right now, it doesn't seem to help, so why worry?
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