24 Weeks (Round 2)

How far along? 24 weeks and 3 days

Total weight gain/loss?  Up 21.3 pounds.  So that's exactly 2 pounds gained in 7 days.  I don't care for this trend, but it appears to be what my body is doing so I'm not going to stress about it.

Maternity clothes?  Yes and yes.
  
Stretch marks? The old ones are definitely looking a little darker.  Or maybe they're new ones.  Hopefully not new ones.  Probably new ones.

Sleep? Good but I cannot get enough.  I fell asleep at 7:30 on Monday night and have been in bed well before 10pm most nights.  8-9 hours of sleep each night and I still feel like I could sleep some more.  I'm napping whenever I can.

Best moment last week?   Showing Lukas his new BIG BOY bed!

Movement?  All. The. Time.  I think he may have had the hiccups for the first time this week.

Food cravings? Red meat, plantain chips and Brussel sprouts.

Food aversions? Nope.

Gender? Boys have a penis.

Labor signs? Occasional Braxton Hicks contractions.

Belly button in/out? Half and half.

What I miss: Sleeping on my back.

What I am looking forward to: My big brother's visit this week!  And celebrating my daddy's 70th birthday!!!

Milestones: We've reached viability!  If Baby Swan #2 were to be born today he'd have a chance at survival.  We're hoping he stays in for at least another 15 weeks, but I did breathe a very small sigh of relief when I read that 24 weeks = viability!

Gratuitous Video

Because it's Tuesday.  And because baseball season is almost under way...

Bump #2 @ 24 Weeks

24 Weeks today.

And for the record, it is March 26 in Atlanta and there were SNOW flurries this morning.  I really need the weather to warm up because I like my maternity dresses much better than my separates.  And only having one pair of non-jeans pants to wear is getting old.  Very old.

And bump 1 vs. bump 2



24 weeks w/#2

 24 weeks w/Lukas



A Peek: Good Night Sleep Tight

So back to my voyeuristic curiosity.  Thanks to everyone who commented or left a link about the inside scoop on your bath time routine.  I'm a little disappointed that no one else admitted to peeing in the shower, but I understand that not everyone is up for putting it all out there for everyone to see.  (Surely that's why no one responded, right?!?) 

Ok, so next up, let's talk about bed time, which has been an issue in my house lately.

What's your bed time routine with your kids? Does it work for you? Do you read books? How many books? Does your child ask for 500 sips of water before bed? Do you lay down with them before leaving the room? Do you sneak out of their room? Do you enjoy the routine or loathe it?


So up until exactly two nights ago Lukas was still in his crib and our bedtime routine went something like this.  

START: 7pm(ish)

-Convince little man to take off his clothes and try to pee pee in the potty.  This involves reminding him that he will receive 2 m&ms and a sticker on his potty chart if he goes.  He loves chocolate so most nights he can make at least a little water (yes, we call it "make water" or pee pee).  High-fiving and dancing ensues after a successful potty attempt.

-Diaper and PJ changing is next.  We learned the hard way that we must wait to give the m&ms until AFTER the diaper and pjs are put on. 

-Next up we pick out the books we're going to read.  Usually 4-5 books.

 -Lukas then kisses mommy or daddy goodnight and the "off duty" parent leaves.

-Lukas then closes his bedroom door.  DO NOT ATTEMPT TO CLOSE THE DOOR FOR HIM.  Tears will follow if you do along with shouting that "it's my turn" over and over until you re-open the door for him to close it.

-Did I mention that many nights he has a cookie and a glass of milk while we read books?  Yea.  Well. That.  No comment.

 - We sit on the glider together and begin reading the books.  About half way through Lukas will request water or milk (whichever beverage he doesn't currently have).  So up we go to get water.  Again, must let Lukas close the door once we're back in the room.  (Might he have some OCD tendencies?  Or is that just a 2 year old?)

- We get to the last book and I remind him that this is the last book.  After this book, it's bed time.

- We read the last book and he demands "one more book".  Sometimes I give in.  Ok, usually I give in.  We read one more book.

- He must go "hug and kiss daddy".  Mommy must remain in the bedroom during this time.  And of course Lukas must close the door.

- He'll usually ask for one more book again "in my crib".  I usually agree.  We pick the book but rather than getting in his crib he insists that he sits "on your lap."  So we sit on the floor and read one more book.

- "Hug and Kiss daddy again".  Off he goes.  Are we suckers? 

 - Don't answer that.

- Back in his room.  He shuts the door.  Now I lift him up to turn off the lights (again, it is ALWAYS Lukas' turn to turn off the lights.  Always).

- Now he asks to rock.  So back in the glider we go and we rock.

 - Yes we are suckers.

- Between 2-5 minutes later it's time to go in the crib.  Lukas walks over to the crib and climbs up on the edge and you have to hoist him half way up so he can climb in, otherwise there are tears.

- "Need water." 

- Administer water.

- "One more book?"  I usually don't give in, but if I do it's Goodnight Moon because that's the one book I know by heart and can read in the dark.

- Eventually we finish all the stall tactics and he lays down.  Now you have to master putting the blanket on him just so.  This can take up to 5 minutes.

- I rub his back and give kisses, say "night night" and tell him I love him.

- But then: "Mommy lay down." 

 - If I don't do as I'm asked told, there are tears and screams.

- Mommy lays down. - Mommy tries to sneak out 2-5 minutes later.

- Mommy fails.

- Mommy lays back down and eventually sneaks out.

 END: 8pm(ish)  

Yes, bedtime takes a full hour most days.  And many days I end up in tears because I end up laying on his floor for 20 minutes and he still screams when I leave.  I've decided I'm not emotionally stable enough to handle a crying it out session, even though I know we're being manipulated.  My working-mom guilt kicks into high gear at night when he cries and begs me not to leave his room.  And I just can't handle that right now.  So we decided we needed to switch it up.  

Saturday morning Mr. Cob turned the crib into the toddler bed (aka Lukas' new "big boy bed").  Lukas was SO EXCITED when he saw his big boy bed (and has been telling everyone he sees about his new bed -it is adorable).  And so far bedtime has been a little less stressful.  We still go through the entire book-reading/milk-drinking/daddy-hugging/rocker-snuggling process, which is the part I honestly love.  But now when it's time for him to actually go to sleep, something has changed.  He walks over and gets in his big boy bed.  Mommy or daddy sits down next to his bed, puts the blanket over him and rubs his back for a few minutes.  We give kisses and ask him if he wants us to leave his door open.  He says yes and we leave his room WITHOUT ANY LYING ON THE FLOOR!!!  I realize our sample size is only 2 days, but it's been 2 very stress-free bedtimes in a row, so I'll take it!   

And the kicker, he doesn't get out of his big boy bed until one of us comes in his room in the morning.  He even took an hour and a half nap in his big boy bed without any sleeping this weekend but never once tried to get out of the bed!  Again, this could be a complete fluke, but so far the transition to the big boy bed has been WAY better than I anticipated. 

My non-napping napper.

So that's our bedtime routine.  What's yours??

The Wardrobe Fight – the Toddler Clothes Battle

For anyone having trouble getting their little one dressed in the morning - hopefully the tips in the post below will help!!!  Leave a comment and let me know what you think!

The Wardrobe Fight – the Toddler Clothes Battle

23 Weeks (Round 2)

How far along? 23 weeks and 3 days


Total weight gain/loss? Up 19.3 pounds. This would be stressing me out but for the fact my doctor said I had gained 26 pounds at this point last pregnancy. So I'm going to take that as a win!  I've really commited to walking 10,000 steps each day and even did my pregnancy DVD 2/5 days this week!

Maternity clothes? All the way.  I even bought a few maternity thongs this past weekend.  Yes, thongs.  I hate VPLs and regular briefs as it is and this doesn't change when I'm pregnant.  But with a changing body my favorite Hanky Pankys were just fitting badly, so I decided to give the A Pea in a Pod lace thongs a go.  They look just like Hanky Pankys and are MUCH more comfortable with my growing belly.  Was this TMI?  Not that I care.

Stretch marks? I think the ones on my hips are growing darker again.  Yay.

Sleep? Pretty bad.  I've had a few rough nights in a row.  And the strange dreams are back.  Two nights ago I dreamt that I was smoking cigarettes while pregnant.  Very bizarre.

Best moment last week? The entire weekend.  It was BEAUTIFUL in Georgia and for once I didn't over-commit so I got some great rest in.  I had a pregnancy massage Friday night.  Saturday we spent all day playing outside and my parents came over for a great meal that the husband cooked.  Sunday we walked to one of my favorite brunch spots and just spent the rest of the day relaxing as a family.  It was perfect.



Saturday morning watching daddy play soccer


Movement? Oh yea.  Little buddy's an active dude.

Food cravings? Red meat, brussel sprouts, pimento cheese and bagels.  The red meat is the strongest craving - I just can't get enough.  Burgers, to rib eye on my salads to steak kabobs.  It's all delicious and I just want more, more, more.

Food aversions? Nothing that comes to mind.

Gender? Baby boy.

Labor signs? Not really.  The Braxton Hicks contractions still happen but not very often.

Belly button in/out? I'm going to say in.  But it's not the same innie as it usually is.

What I miss: Sleeping on my back and real sushi.

What I am looking forward to: My big brother and nephew are coming to visit in less than two weeks.  It's like Christmas in April - I really am so excited to see them that I can't even put it into words!  We'll also be celebrating my daddy's 70th birthday!!!

Milestones: I think we have perhaps settled on a middle name.  Maybe.  Well, sort of.  The plan was to pick a first name before even discussing middle names, but a name that was frontrunner for the first names has now been slated for the middle name (we decided it was too out there for a first name but we both love it for a middle name).  And I kind of keep adding names back to our first name list, so the first name isn't going so well again. We were down to 4.  Then I cut out 1, so we had 3 solid names.  Then yesterday I decided there were two names I think we should reconsider.  So who knows what this little dude will be called.  Lukas is still pulling for Bob the Builder!  

My little fireman

A Man with a Brain

So curiously enough not all men are idiots when it comes to talking to pregnant women.  Apparently just the married ones with kids (i.e. yesterday's one liner).  I guess it's the men without kids or a wife who know how to talk to women.  Ironic, no?

I was just heating up my lunch when a male co-worker came in the break room and asked me, "So, I don't remember, how many kids do you have?"

I have no idea if he was actually just curious about my kid count.  OR, if he noticed my growing belly and was using this line as a means for me to mention that yes, I am in fact preggo.  Whatever the case, it was the perfect thing to say and I walked away from our conversation feeling great and enjoyed the opportunity to talk about Lukas and his soon-to-be little brother.  And in return he told me what it was like growing up with two brothers close in age (lots of competition because of sports and lots of fighting growing up, but they became BFFs once college rolled around - here's hoping).

So, I'm going to add this to the acceptable things to say to a pregnant woman.  Perfect to use with a co-worker who you don't know very well.

My faith is momentarily restored.  But I'm sure it won't last long...

Bad Line

This just happened.

Scene: In the hallway at work.  A male partner in my firms stops me.  He has that look on his face where I can tell he's about to say something that he should really consider not saying, but will anyway.

Him: "So, you gained some weight?"

Oh yes he did.  Not exactly what I thought he'd say, but wow.  Are you fucking kidding me?

Me:  "Yea, you too?"  Shaking my head.

Him:  "Well, I had to ask.   And that's my line."

Me:  "That's a HORRIBLE line."

Him: Unphased, completely.  "So, when are you due?"

Me: "Mid-July".

Him:  "That soon?  Really?  Wow."

So I guess he "noticed" that I'd gained some weight,  but according to him it's not enough to be due in less than 4 months. 

For the love people.  Stop saying stupid things to pregnant women.  And stop doubling down after you do.

I stand by my position that you shouldn't ever ask a woman if she is pregnant unless you are in the delivery room as a baby is leaving her vagina.  But, if you must ask, and the woman looks obviously pregnant, simply say "Are you expecting?"  or "When are you due?"  or better yet, "You look fabulous, what's your secret?!"

Bump #2 @ 23 Weeks

 23 weeks today.

I had a doctor's appointment this afternoon and baby #2 is doing great. His heart beat is strong and I'm apparently growing "right on track." While I was there I took the opportunity to ask the doc how my weight gain was progressing this time versus last time.  My starting weight was about the same before both pregnancies. At 23 weeks with Lukas I had gained 26 pounds.  This time around, at 23 weeks I have gained 19 pounds.  And last time I gained 8 pounds in the four weeks between my 23 and 27 week appointments!!!  Pray with me that I do not suddenly catch up...

Can you tell I was 7 pounds heavier in the first picture below?  I can and I can't.  But it might be because I'm distracted by my awful outfit and flippy hair! What was I thinking?!?  I should not look better in yoga pants and a tee shirt at the end of day than in work clothes at the start of the day!  Sigh.




23 Weeks w/Lukas



23 Weeks w/#2







A 5 Day a Week Battle

It's happening again. I'm feeling a strong pull to turn in my briefcase and this 9-5 gig. Last Monday I emailed my BFF and told her we needed to talk because I'd made a very important decision that morning and I wanted her to non-judgementally tell me if I was crazy. Our schedules made it so we didn't have that talk until Thursday over a glass of wine (her) and orange juice with a side of pear-gorgonzola flat bread (pregnant me). She patiently waited for me to dive in to my newest self-centered world problem, as good friends do. But when it was time to tell her what my big "decision" was, I started it out with, well I think I've changed my mind already. She laughed and knew what my big decision (or lack thereof) was without me even having to tell her. (If you haven't figured it out yet: I had decided that I was going to quit my six-figure lawyer job for the SAHM gig, without actually running the idea by my husband. But by the very next day there was no way I was going to do that.)


I just keep changing my mind. Daily. Sometimes hourly.

This constant juggling act is hard.  I know parenting is hard and I don't think everything magically turns to gold the minute you trade in your career for full time domestic goddess-ness.  But I can't help but wonder if we would all be happier if that were the decision I made.

I don't know if Lukas' recent reluctance to get out of bed in the morning and say goodbye to us at school is because he is two, or because he really would rather be at home with mommy.  I don't know if his fear of my leaving his room before he falls asleep at night is because he is two, or because he truly needs to spend more time with his mommy.  I do know that prying him off my leg and handing him over to his teacher when he cries and begs me not to go is torture for me.  I know that listening to him plead with me not to leave his room at night is heart wrenching and most nights I don't leave until he is sound asleep.  I know I am the parent and I should not be letting a two year old dictate his bedtime routine, but the guilt of the matter is eating me up.  I can't help but feel like he wants to read one more book and rock for one more minute and then sit in my lap and cuddle before bed because he feels like he doesn't see me enough during the day. 

On a good day I'm with him 15-20 minutes in the morning and then 2.5 hours at night (30 minutes of which are spent in the car and another 30 I'm preparing dinner and an hour of which is spent doing the bedtime thing).  I want more time.  I need more time with him.

So emotionally the decision is easy.

Financially and logistically and realistically there is a lot more to it.  There are the thousands of dollars of debt that I still have to pay back from law school loans.  There is the financial hit that our family would take.  There would be the change in lifestyle.  There would be a reduction in money to travel and visit family.  There is the juris doctor diploma hanging on my wall that I'm not sure I want to give up just yet, if ever.  There is the sense of identity I have with being a lawyer.  There is the unknown aspect of being a stay-at-home-mom.  There is the worry of being wholly financially dependent on my husband and putting that pressure on him.  There is the fear of stepping away from a great job that I may never be able to get back.  There is the worry of what if something happened to my husband in the future and I wasn't in a position to support our family anymore.  There is another mouth to be fed in less than 4 short months.  There are all the positive aspects of daycare.  There is the security that comes with a two-income household.  There are just a lot of unknowns.

I've decided it's best to not make any rash decisions while pregnant.  Pregnancy hormones are real man.  Like whoa.  I know I'm hyper sensitive and hyper emotional right now.  I know this in my head.  It's just conveying that to my heart that is the daily struggle.

22 Weeks (Round 2)

How far along? 22 weeks and 3 days


Total weight gain/loss? Up 17.5 pounds. Let's not talk about it.  But if we must, I do think this might be because I didn't walk 10,000 steps any of the 7 days this week (thanks trusty FitBit) and I've been sick so my energy level has been way down.  I'm hoping to get moving again this weekend and I even pulled the Vitamix out this morning to start the day with a green smoothie.  With 18ish weeks to go, I really do not want to maintain a 2 pound a week + weight gain.  Really.  So I've resolved to up the effort and give this next week a good go.  If I still gain 2+ pounds this next week with walking, working out and eating good, then I'm going to say to hell with it and just stop worrying.

Maternity clothes? All the way baby.  Aside from some sweaters and a few pairs of yoga pants.  I'm also still wearing high heels, which my boss thinks is silly.  I'm just not ready to give them up yet.  Although, I do keep at least one pair of flats under my desk at work.

Stretch marks? Same.

Sleep? OK.  I don't have to get up in the middle of the night to pee, but I wake usually one or two times to readjust.

Best moment last week? Having an impromptu breakfast with my little man today.  See, we were running late for school and if you arrive after 8:35ish breakfast is over.  He had an apple sauce in the car so I thought we'd be OK.  But the minute we stepped in his class he looks at me and says "I'm hungry."  Thankfully his school is in the same building as a food court so we shared a croissant and bagel.  And I was ridiculously late for work, but I loved our extra time togeteher.

Movement? Every day.  Little man #2 is practicing his dance moves regularly.

Food cravings? Kettle corn, bagels with cream cheese and cookies.  Perhaps there's a connection with the weight gain this week.

Food aversions? Nothing of note.

Gender? Snakes and Snails and Puppy dog tails.

Labor signs? I have a few Braxton Hicks contractions every day or so, but nothing worrisome.

Belly button in/out? In for now, but it's on its way out.  I can tell.

What I miss: Sleeping on my back and big glasses of red wine.

What I am looking forward to: Another pregnancy massage this evening!  Best.gift.ever!

Milestones: I cried at a Subaru commercial this week.  I think it's safe to say my pregnancy hormones have taken over and I am now officially blaming any odd/strange/out-of-the-ordinary behavior on my hormones.

A Peek: Rub-a-Dub-Dub

So, let's chat about soaping up, shall we?

What I'm curious about: When do you shower and do your hair?  At night?  Every morning?  Do you pee in the shower? And if you shower at night how do you not have the dreaded bed head look every day?  And the little ones.  Do you give them a bath every night? Every other night?  Or do you shower with them say on the weekends?  On the days you don't bathe them, do you wipe them down with a wash cloth and soap?  How do you get the dirt out from under their nails on non-bath nights?

For me, I shower every.single.morning.  Unless it's the weekend and then I might shower sometime in the afternoon, or not at all if we have no plans to see anyone.  I've tried to shower at night but my hair just looks a mess the next day and I spend all day feeling unclean.  I wish I could get over the hump because showering at night sounds SO appealing.  Mainly because you could sleep in an extra 20-30 minute.  But for now, it's not for me.  I have recently started washing my hair every other day (which is huge after being a wash every single day no matter what sort of girl for years), so that helps cut down on the getting ready time.  I can even push it out a third day if I use dry shampoo, but more times than not I'll end up washing my hair the third day for fear of looking really greasy.

Can I tell you a secret?  Most days I don't wake up until 7am or 7:30.  And some days I feel really guilty about that.  I always thought you had to wake up early when you have little kids.  But if Lukas is still sleeping, I'm still sleeping.  Mr. Cob and I don't have a fancy bed, but it is ridiculously comfortable and sucks you in.   Most mornings we each hit snooze on our alarms until the last possible minute.  I am really not a morning person anymore.  On our average morning Mr. Cob is awake and showering before I get up.  Then I get Lukas up and dressed while the husband dresses.  And my boys are both out the door around 7:30.  And the house is all mine.  Some days I make myself breakfast and watch TV.  Other days if I need to get to work for a meeting, I'll race upstairs and hurry to get showered and dressed myself.  On a good day I've showered and dried my hair before Lukas wakes up, so I only have about 10 minutes to finish up before they leave (10 minutes is all it takes to do my makeup (I could probably use some pointers in that department) and throw on a dress - my go to work outfit).  My mornings alone at home are one of my guilty pleasures.  I also know they are very short lived with a new baby on the way.  Soon enough we'll be hanging out at 6am. That is, if he lets me sleep in...

Oh and yes, I pee in the shower.  I don't understand why you'd waste water by flushing the toilet mere seconds before getting in the shower and just doing your thing in there.  Mr. Cob found this habit of mine repulsive when he first learned of it years ago.  Now, he's a convert.  It's liberating, trust me.

Ok and now on to bathing the little man.  Full disclosure here: I worry some days that Lukas is the dirty kid at school.  (That might also be part of my inferiority complex at our school where many days I feel like we don't belong because these the moms and dads drive such fancy cars, dress their kids in designer duds, have huge diamond rings and are all probably better off than we are.  Not that I notice. Sorry, where was I?)  I don't think you can tell Lukas hasn't been bathed every night, but it still worries me. I try to give him a bath every other day, but it's just really hard during the week.  And he has super sensitive skin that gets really dry if he's in the bath too often. It's not that he hates the bath, he loves it.  It's just another thing to do at night and some days it's 7:50 before I could even think to get him in the tub, so I tend to wait until he must bathe.  Like when he gets Fig Newton in his hair like last night.  I wish he would shower, which seems to be a much quicker process than the bath with all the bubbles and toys, but Lukas hates water in his eyes and over his head so showers are out.  It's possible he once went four days between baths.  But I won't admit anything.

And no, I don't usually clean him down with soap and water and a wash cloth on his non-bath nights.  Occasionally, if I remember, I'll wipe him down with a baby wipe during a diaper change.  Yes, a clean wipe.  (Which by-the-way are also great for taking off eye make up, getting stains out of clothes and wiping down your counters/toilet seats.)  If his hair is wild in the morning I'll throw some water on it and run a comb through his hair.  And let's not talk about brushing his teeth.  Not because we don't do it, just because I know you don't care.  OK?  Ok.

A baseball cap is also good for hiding dirty hair.   So I've heard.

As for the dirt under his nails, I've decided this is a little boy honor badge and no longer worry about it.  New dirt just piles on minutes after a good scrubbing anyway.  But if you're trying to be all fancy for your in-laws or some hoity-toity friends, an old toothbrush and soap works wonders for that "I do bathe my child regularly look".  If that's your thing.

Ok, so now it's your turn to answer my questions and give us a peek into your hygiene routine. Leave a comment or join the Linky Party and link up to your own blog post on the topic!

A Peek Inside

I'm always interested in what people eat for dinner.  How do you decide what to cook (or buy) each night?  When do you go grocery shopping?  Who in the family goes grocery shopping?  Who makes the grocery list?  Do you even make a list?  Who cooks dinner? When do you cook dinner (crockpot in the am before work?  big day of cooking once a month to freeze that you then defrost nightly?  the minute you walk in the door? from a take-out store on the way home?)   How do you manage to get food on the table with little ones at home?  Do you eat with them or after them?  Do you eat the same thing?  Do you eat with your spouse?  Do you eat at the table or in the living room?  Is music playing while you eat?

 

And bathing.  When do you shower and do your hair?  At night?  Every morning?  Do you pee in the shower? And if you shower at night how do you not have the dreaded bed head look every day?  And the little ones.  Do you give them a bath every night? Every other night?  Or do you shower with them say on the weekends?  On the days you don't bathe them, do you wipe them down with a wash cloth and soap?  How do you get the dirt out from under their nails on non-bath nights?

 

What's your bed time routine with your kids?  Does it work for you? Do you read books?  How many books?  Does your child ask for 500 sips of water before bed?  Do you lay down with them before leaving the room?  Do you sneak out of their room?  Do you enjoy the routine or loathe it?

 

When do you connect with your spouse?  How do you divvy up the chores?  Who does laundry and the dishes and the taking out of the trash and the feeding of the dogs?  Do you outsource any of this work?

 

Basically I want to know what other people do to make life go round so that I can determine (a) if I am normal in my way of doing things or (b) if I can be more efficient or learn anything from your way of doing things.  I also wonder how different a working mom's routine is from a SAHM's routine.  We both have to eat, bathe and keep our living spaces clean and try to maintain a relationship with our loved ones.  So let's talk about these things.  I'll give you a glimpse (also-known-as way more information than you ever wanted to know) about how things operate in our house and you leave me a comment and let me know how it works for you!  K, promise?  Great, thanks.

 

I'll hit up how we Swans stay clean in the first/next post in this fun new series.  But in the mean time, what else are you curious about?  What other glimpses of someone else's life do you want to know about?  What people do for date nights?  How often other married couples actually have sex?  At what point is a bra considered dirty?  Do other moms wipe (or not wipe) their kids bums if they're only changing a pee diaper?  Do women really wipe front to back?  How often do people actually read/open their snail mail?  Anything you're "just curious" about??

Bump #2 @ 22 Weeks

 22 Weeks today.

We're still adjusting to daylight savings time, so there wasn't exactly any time to take a picture this morning before work.  Disregard the messy hair and sorority tee shirt.

The bump is definitely growing!

What the "Experts" Fail to Talk About

So thanks to the folks who have filled out my little survey!  So far, the lead contender for an increase in air time is Being a Working Mom.  It's been a while since I've shared my thoughts on this very hot button issue, so let's check in for an update.

If you read the news (and I consider Huffington Post and CNN to be the news), then you know the whole work-life-balance/working mom/can women have it all topic has been HOT HOT HOT lately.  From Marissa Mayer to Anne-Marie Slaughter and most recently Sheryl Sandberg's new book, the issue is all over the place.  And critics are hitting it from every angle.  Except for one.  People don't seem to talk about the emotinal side of being a working mom.

It's one thing to tell women to "Lean In" at work and take on more duties.  Or to let go of the mom-guilt and stop trying to be perfect in your appearance, house and child-rearing.  And to not set yourself up to fail by say jumping off the partner track before you even have a child.  These are all easy to say in a vacuum, but in reality, they are hard things to do.  And they are impossible to do without experiencing the feelings that go along with doing these things.

One article I read today highlighted a mother who said she didn't mind missing her daughter's 4th birthday because we all turn 4 and it's just another birthday.  The author applauded this mom for taking her career seriously and not letting mom-guilt eat her up for missing her daughter's birthday.  I say bravo to that woman, but that's not for all women.  That is not me.  Nor do I ever strive for that to be me.  I never want to be OK with missing my child's birthday.  No matter the cost.  There is no work accomplishment that I can think of that would make missing my kid's birthday OK.  And if I did have to miss the birthday, you can be damn sure I'd be torn up about it and have a hard time holding back tears when someone asks how it feels to be missing a milestone. 

I don't judge this woman for being OK with missing this event in her daughter's life.  To each her own.  But what I do find offensive is the insinuation that to be a successful working mom/career woman, you have to give up on the "mom" part a little.  You have to be OK with being a little less in your mom world.  And I am not OK with that.

I don't know if women can have it all.  I don't know if I want it all.  I do know I don't want it all if it means I'm not there for all the crucial aspects of my kids' lives.  And the hard part, when you're the mom, and especially when your kids are young, is that it all feels crucial.  It is hard to miss any of it.

Some days my son still cries and clings to my leg when I drop him off at daycare.  He is 2 years and 4 months old.  The last 7 days in a row he has begged me or my husband not to leave him.  These mornings are heartbreaking.  And we are leaving him somewhere that we love, with people who have become family to us.  But he is not with his mom or his dad.  For 9 hours a day, 5 days a week he is not with one of his parents.  That is more than a 3rd of his day spent apart from us.  And he is only 2 years old.  It breaks my heart when I really think about it.

I tell myself many things to get through the hours of 8-5 when we're apart.  I tell myself that he is thriving at school.  That he is such a cheerful boy and his social skills are stellar.  I tell myself that his teachers do more with him at school than I would do at home - they draw, they paint, they sing songs.  I tell myself that he is happy and what more could I possibly want or hope for him.  I tell myself these things daily.  But I'm not sure I believe them.  Yet I keep telling myself them.  I will them to be true.  Perhaps they are.  But I have doubts and I have guilt and I have a deep fear that I'll regret the decisions I'm making today in the future.  I worry I'll feel as though I missed his childhood.  That I wasn't there enough.

And while this isn't one of those posts to boost other working mom's up and convince you that you too can do it, it is an honest post.  It is a struggle for me to be a full-time working mom.  Some days are very hard.  I miss my son when I am at work.  I have no less than ten pictures of him up in my office so I can look at his smiling face while I'm away.  I watch videos of him on my iphone while I'm eating my lunch.  I race to daycare at 5pm eager to see him, as picking him up is the best part of my day.

While the world keeps debating the "having it all" question, I hope people start talking about the feelings of it a little more.  Because I think it's important for us working moms to admit that sometimes we aren't tough like men and we do feel very strong emotions about being away from our children all day.  And I'm not ready to simply push those feelings aside in order to just lean in.  I'm pretty sure I couldn't even if I tried.  And for me, I don't want to try.

21 Weeks (Round 2)

How far along? 21 weeks and 3 days

Total weight gain/loss? Up 14.9 pounds. According to one pregnancy weight gain calculator I'm right on track.  But another one, that I'll never look at again, says I'm overgaining by a pound already.  I'm trying not to freak out about the weight gain, but a good friend of mine may have received an email yesterday from me (when my weight gain was up 15.7 pounds - yes, I "lost" .8 pounds in a day - I think I need a new scale...) that said something to the effect of:  

It had been a week since my last at-home weigh in.  I've now officially gained 15 pounds.  But the important thing to note is that in one week, yes SEVEN LITTLE DAYS, I gained 2.2 pounds.  Ok, so let's break this down.  I have 18ish weeks to go.  If I continue with the 2.2 pound gain per week, we're talking an ADDITIONAL 39.6 pounds to the 15 already gained for a grand total of 54 pounds.  Now, a few thoughts on this.  A.  This would be 10 pounds LESS than last time, so that it is a positive, right?  B. For the love, I do not want to gain another 40 pounds.  Just sayin.  C.  I'm kicking myself for not keeping track of my weekly weight gain last time to see when I started packing on the pounds.  D. You had yummy food in your house and with traveling last weekend and indulging in lots of yummy food, perhaps the 2.2 is a fluke.  E.  I'm trying not to freak out about this.  F.  I hate those women on the babycenter website who have gained 2 pounds at this point.  They officially suck.  G.  Thank you for listening to this rant. The end.

Maternity clothes? You know it.  I'm loving my maternity dresses, but just wishing the weather would get a little warmer so I didn't look so ridiculous walking around with bare legs in 30 degree weather.  I refuse to purchase maternity tights.  Refuse.
 
Stretch marks? Same.  Did I tell you that I read that any existing stretch marks might darken with subsequent pregnancies?  I'm fearful of this happening, so I've made it a policy to simply not check out the stretch marks on any regular basis.

Sleep? Good one night and awful the next.  I really wish I could sleep on my back.

Best moment last week? Watching my little man play with my friend Carey's daughter Mack.  Aren't they just adorable!

Movement? All the time.  This little man is an active one and is practicing his karate moves on my belly.

Food cravings? Dunkin Donuts coffee. Roasted carrots. Ribeye salads from this restaurant called Aviva by Kameel in the food court of my old office building.  If you work in downtown Atlanta, you MUST go check this place out - it is delicious.

Food aversions? Milk/yogurt/dairy.  They just don't sound appealing

Gender? Peter Pecker.

Labor signs? I think I may be having the occasional Braxton Hicks contractions, but they aren't painful and just feel like my belly is suddenly super tight.

Belly button in/out? IN.

What I miss: Martinis.  Sleeping on my back.  My waist.
What I am looking forward to: Seeing my momma - she's been in California visiting my brother for a week and I've missed her.  Thankfully she's back in the South and we'll get together tomorrow sometime!

Milestones: We've narrowed in on a name.  Sort of.  We're down to 7.  That may sound like a lot to you, but it's seriously big for us.  We started with a list of about 60 or so names that we liked.  I have no idea how we will pick from these 7.  My gut is that this little dude will be called one of 3 names out of the 7, but we haven't made any final decisions.  And we haven't even begun finding a middle name.  There's still plenty of time for that!

New Survey is Up!

Ok, an an effort to write more on the blog, I thought I'd steal my friend Katie's idea over on La Vida Leipprandt and poll the audience.  Why do you read my little corner of cyber space?  What would you like to see more of?  And feel free to leave a comment on this post if there is something else you want to know more about.  Sex?  Drugs?  Rock and Roll?  I can write just about anything, but I just need some direction!  Help a girl out, won't you?!?

Life Things

The blog has been very baby-centric lately, I know.  It's annoying me too.  But it's a very easy topic to talk about.  Tuesdays I post a picture of the new belly and Fridays I fill out the weekly survey about pregnancy #2's progression.  And ocasionally I've been throwing in some posts about Lukas, who is currently a very chatty terrible (yet oh so loveable) two.  I also have a post swimming in my brain about the process Mr. Cob and I go through in picking a name (no, we haven't picked one yet, but oh do we have a process).

Babies and pregnancies are easy for me.  Writing about the other stuff is harder to do these days.  Not because life is bad or anything has "happened".  But because life is happening. 

Mr. Cob and I are in talks on some big things.  We're trying to figure out what things are best for our family, for our marriage, for our future.  These are not easy things.  They also involve a topic I don't write about on the blog, which makes it all the more difficult to talk about.  As baby #2 gets closer I find myself reexamining my role as a working mom.  But the fact remains that my income is a difficult thing to give up and something we're still not in a financial position to do without.  It is also hard to make career decisions when both spouses work - my job and any change affects Mr. Cob and vice versa.  I know it will work out and we'll make the right decisions, it just feels like we're a long way away from making them and there is yet again no handbook on these things. 

There are also other big personal things going on with some people very dear to me.  Things that are not for me to talk about.  But they again remind me that while email, facebook and the telephone are wonderful tools for keeping in touch, they are second to living in the same place with someone and actually being able to physically be present with another person.  I hate that some of my favorite people live so far away.

Lately I also feel the pull to explore my spirituality.  Last night I was searching amazon for books on the topic and never settled on anything.  I was drawn to the books on Buddhism and creating your own happiness even though I set out with the intention of finding something on women and building a relationship with God/Jesus.  But nothing jumped out at me, so I decided to just go to sleep.  This is the one new years resolution I haven't kept yet and I'd like to get back to it.  I'm just not sure where to start.  I don't know if I'm looking for something to bring me closer to Christianity or something completely different that reinforces the thoughts I already have about a higher being and love being the ultimate truth in life.

I just feel very adult these days.  I know that sounds silly, but it's how I feel.  But for once, while everything seems to be in a state of flux, I feel content.  I'm not freaking out about what will happen.  I'm not worried.  I'm not having a hard time putting one foot in front of the other.  I'm actually feeling very happy and excited for any potential changes that may come.  I realized the other day that while I resisted moving every few years growing up, perhaps I miss it.  And there mere thought of a shift in the status quo is getting my heart pumping.  Which I suppose is a really good thing because even if we don't change anything in our life as it currently stands, in a little over 4 months our lives will change with the arrival of baby #2.  So whatever happens, I feel like I'm in the right frame of mind.

And it's sort of fun not knowing what's ahead.  Although, I think my husband would disagree with me on that one.  I've tried to tell him to live by Nanama's rule: Worry if it helps.  And right now, it doesn't seem to help, so why worry?

Bump #2 @ 21 Weeks

21 weeks down, 19 (or so) to go!  The pictures are a bit blurry this morning, but it's the best we could do in a hurry....

And now for the comparison picture of Bump #1 vs. Bump #2.  What was up with my hair last time?  Awful.  I think I got a little overzealous with the flat iron.  And perhaps it's just wishful thinking, or rose colored glasses, but I think, I look bigger last time.  Maybe?  Perhaps?  Hopefully....

  

21 weeks w/Lukas

21 weeks w/#2

20 Weeks (Round 2)

How far along? 20 weeks and 3 days


Total weight gain/loss? Up 13.5 pounds. I have a feeling the weight is about to start packing on. I fear it anyway.

Maternity clothes? Full on. Thankfully my friend Emily just hooked me up with some long sleeve maternity tops and I finally splurged (thanks to a gift card from another dear friend) on a pair of AG Stilit maternity jeans. I LOVE them. Think pajama jean comfort with designer jean style!

Stretch marks? Same.

Sleep? Starting to get bad. Last night I tossed and turned the entire night.

Best moment last week? My pregnancy massage last Friday night...it was AMAZING! Check out The Pregnancy Massage Center if you are preggo in Atlanta. I highly recommend it!! Also the fried pickles I had at DBA BBQ afterwards were pretty great!

Movement? Lots! Little dude is kicking me often.

Food cravings? Dunkin Donuts coffee. And carbs.

Food aversions? Veggies. Bad, I know.

Gender? Team Blue.

Labor signs? Nope.

Belly button in/out? IN.

What I miss: Red wine and martinis.

What I am looking forward to: Spending the weekend with a few of my favorite girlfriends. Sadly, we're down one, so it won't be the same as a usual girls weekend. Guess we'll have to have another one soon!

Milestones: Popping. Seriously, this belly has popped. For reals.