It's hard to relate to a 2 year old. I wish I knew what his cries always meant. I wish I knew where his tantrums were coming from. I wish I could convince myself that what happened this morning didn't really happen. Because it's days like today where I am convinced I am doing it wrong. That I should in fact be home with my little guy.
He woke up happy enough. He jumped up in bed the second he heard me open his door. He greeted me with "momma, I pooped." Strangely enough, he did not, but I thanked him for letting me know. He asked to see daddy, so we climbed the stairs and he ran to give daddy a hug. Daddy told him to go back downstairs and let momma get him dressed for the day. And this is when the morning went downhill.
Back in his room he unzipped his jammies and held on to me as he kicked his feet out. And then he sort of lost it as I took his diaper off. He rolled on the floor naked saying "no mommy" and kept picking up the new diaper and throwing it. I tried to divert his attention by asking him if he wanted to throw the dirty diaper in the trash (something he usually loves to do). He just kept saying no mommy. And then he half heartedly hit me on the face. Hitting = automatic 2 minute time out. He marched his little naked tush and sat on the stairs. Afterwards he said he was sorry, we gave hugs and kisses and said I love yous. And then it went down hill again.
Back in his room he asked to throw away the dirty diaper. The one I had already thrown away while he was in time out. Screams. Sobs. Hot tears. Somehow I was able to get a new diaper and clothes on him as he screamed and cried. Daddy tried to reason with him, to no avail. So I did the only thing I could think, I hugged him and we rocked for about 5 minutes. I just kissed his head and hugged him tight. Eventually he calmed down and let me hold him and snuggled in to momma.
It was time to leave for school, so I carried him to the kitchen and gave him some string cheese for the ride. A few more tears where shed with the realization that we were out of waffles. But daddy did his best to convince him to go. Usually when my boys leave in the morning they both stop to hug and kiss me at the door, but Lukas didn't want mommy. He cried harder when daddy told him to hug me. I said it was OK. That they should just go.
I stood at the door as they walked down the front path. Lukas started sobbing again and mumbled something about mommy. At first we both thought he was saying "no mommy". But eventually we both realized he was yelling "I want to stay with mommy".
And this is when my heart broke a little.
Being a working mom is awful some days. Today would be one of those days.
This is a hard year - the name "terrible twos" really is a great description. Try to remember (so much easier said than done) that Lukas is confused, too, and does not understand where in the world all his feelings are coming from or where they are headed. Yes, in my opinion, he has to learn boundaries and acceptable behavior, which you and Mr. Swan must show him; but at the same time, the hugging, cuddling and rocking is a great follow-up for those lessons. There is no magic answer/process for these situations, just learn as you go - and from the outside looking in, I will tell you that y'all are raising a very special young boy! Just hang in there and remember to take some deep breaths....
ReplyDeleteThank you for the encouraging words. This terrible two thing is trying some days, for sure!
DeleteOh 2 is such a tough age. So is three....I'm hoping 4 is a bit easier?? Trust your gut when it comes to parenting and hang in there. Praying for y'all!
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