Mommy Pressure

I used to like Halloween.  I mean, who doesn't like dressing up like a slut fool.  There was the year I was a beer wench (strangely I can't find those pictures....probably a good thing.)

 The year(s) I was a naughty nurse.  I even won the costume contest.  Thank you wonderbras (yes, there were two). 

The year I was Velma.

The year I was Little Red Riding Hood...

The year I was white trashy pregnant (baby bump courtesy of yours truly). 

I could go on and on.

But this year, I'm not liking Halloween.  The pressure is on and I'm feeling like a big mommy fail is about to happen.  The little dude has a Halloween PARADE at school.  In exactly one week.  And I have NO idea what he will be.  And worse, I feel like I need to be all crafty and make him something.  Because, you know, good moms sew and glitter and glue gun.  And Hell if I'm not a good mom.

So I need to get crafty.  Quickly. 

But we're talking about the little man.  And the little man is not a fan of all clothes.  He rarely likes hats.  I can't just put him in anything.  So where does that leave us?  What do I make?

We could go the Thomas the Train route.  He could be Sir Topham Hatt (i.e. the Fat Controller).  But that requires a top hat, which Luke would probably hate.  (And where does one buy a toddler sized top hat anyway?)  Maybe I could somehow turn him into a blue human-faced train.  Cardboard box style. The thought alone is laughable.

Maybe we'll channel Disney and go for Mickey Mouse.  Black turtleneck, red shorts over black pants. Black crocs on the feet.   A little face paint.  Topped with the ears.  Shit. The ears would be the downfall and you can't be Mickey Mouse without the signature ears.  I mean really.

Ok, the kid loves dinos.  Riiight.....let me just stitch up a little dinosaur costume on my non-existent sewing machine.  Moving on.

I do have an Oriental toddler outfit already on hand (don't ask), but Mr. Cob thinks this is in poor taste.  I hate admitting when he's right.  Any ideas on how to turn this into a politically correct costume????

Maybe I'll just dress him as a toddler fashion model.  I could handle that.  Corduroys.  Collared shirt.  Vest.  Million dollar smile.  Done.  If only I could get him to put on the cute loafers he has probably outgrown without ever wearing.

On second thought, I think I'll just go to Costco and pick up an outfit.  I probably already lost the mom-of-the-year contest with the bed jumping fail.  Why start pretending now?