Following Through

I have a hard time following through with things.  Actually, it's following up on things that I'm bad at.  Well, and through.  Okay so it's up and through.  Am I making any sense?  Have I lost you?  I think I'm confused now too.

What I mean is that I keep hearing myself "sort of" make plans with people and then the plans never actually materialize.  And I'm wondering, is it me or is it them?  Since it keeps happening to me, I would suggest it's me.

It usually is.

As an example, I was outside chatting with our neighbor last week and I said the words "Are y'all around this week?" {response: yes} "Great, let's get together!"  And then nothing.  No plans were made, and I didn't call or knock on the door over the weekend.  I thought about calling, but in my head I remember saying, if they're free they'll call us.

This same scenario happened with a suggested playdate for Lukas.  Mutual agreement that we were free and should do something with the boys over the weekend and no follow up by either one of us.  Again, I thought to myself, she'll text if she wants to get together. 

BUT, didn't we already decide to do something?  Why was I waiting around for her/the neighbor to make the next step?  They may have had the same thought that I did and were waiting for ME to call.  In fact, since I was the one who suggested doing something in both instances, was it on ME to make the actual plans/calls/text?  Maybe.

Part of it is the fear of rejection.  What if they were just being nice and didn't really want to get together?  I know this thought went through my head at one point this weekend.  I'm not sure where the self-doubt comes from, but I think it hinders me from making new friends or cultivating those new-ish friendships I have.  It also gets in the way of my seeing old friends.  Instead of picking up the phone to make plans, I often find myself thinking that if they really wanted to see me, they'd call me and then I end up sitting on the couch.

So I'm putting my foot down with myself.  No more sitting around and worrying that people don't really like me.  Pro-active me is here.  Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go gather my nerves to make some plans.