Easy is Not the name of the game

It's been a rough week.  As I told a friend, it's not been rough in the "grand scheme of life is pretty good and a lot of people have it a lot worse than me so I really should be thankful and not complain" but it has been rough in my little spec of the universe.  I know, woe is me. 

But I think its important to post about the bumps in the road and not just post the cute pictures of my baby.  Because life isn't all sunshine all the time.  And I'd be doing a disservice to other mommas out there if I failed to write about the issues I have.  And there's no lack of issues.

I'm ridiculously busy at work.  What a lot of you may not know is that I work at a fairly large law firm with over 400 attorneys.  Our office only has about 20, so I get the small firm feel with the big firm perks.  But the past two weeks I've felt like a true big firm lawyer.  I'm billing an average of 11 hours a day, which is over my norm of 8ish hours a day.  What this has meant is getting to work earlier than normal and working for a few hours at night once Lukas has gone to bed.  Mr. Cob has stepped in and been doing the dropping off and picking up from day care a lot lately.  I'm also putting in anywhere from 2-6 hours each day during the weekend.  And with all this "extra" work, it means I have less time for Mr. Cob and Lukas.  There have been tears shed about this.  There will likely be more to come.  It's hard being pulled in all three directions of lawyer, mom and wife and feel like you're never quite fully present with any of them, or when you are, you're neglecting the others.  And then there's the guilt.  I'm struggling with the guilt for sure.  So there's that.

Lukas had his first bout of sickness last week.  Fever of almost 103 and a bad rash.  And he hasn't been sleeping well, probably because of the sickness.  So I haven't been sleeping well.  He seems to be better, but still hasn't yet started sleeping through the night again. 
And we have had some family stuff going on.  Mr. Cob and I are fine and happy, but there's been a lot of other things on our minds lately as far as our siblings, parents and grandparents go and I think we both wish we lived closer to all our family.  I wish I could hug my brother and play with Stuart this weekend.  But I can't because they live on the other side of the country.  And as amazing as Skype is, it's just not the same.  So there's that.

I know this will all pass and life will be rosy again soon.  I'm trying to take it one day at a time and not overdramatize my life.  But the truth is, in my small ity bity world, I've been struggling this week.  I just keep telling myself to breathe.